I knew that as an adoptive parent, we would run into questions that would be hard to answer. It hasn't happened much yet, until today. Austin was looking at his baby pictures (all 8 that we have.) And he asked Daniel why we weren't in the picture, and whose house was that? We faultered a bit honestly, not quite sure how to answer it. I took the baton and told him that God chose Austin especially for us, but he didn't come to us until he was a little bit older. But he was ours forever now and he didn't ever have to change houses again. He was safe. (He has been struggling with the concept that kids come and go after our foster experience. It has been quite traumatic for him. So I wanted him to know that he wouldn't ever have to move again).
It made me a bit teary. I wish so much that I had been in those pictures. I wish it was our house that he was seeing in those pictures. But we are blessed to have him. It has been almost two years now. Hard to believe how time flies. I am so thankful for him. And I know that I need to focus on that. I honestly can't help but feel some sadness though that we missed a whole year of his life and that we have to explain it to him. I wish he had a wonderful story to the beginning of his life. But he has a wonderful story now. Adoption is such a beautiful picture of what God has done for us. And I hope that we do a good job of portraying that to Austin as he continues to want to know about his first year of life.
I was also thinking today how things change with kids and how time really does fly. I rock my kids, not to sleep. But we use that time to sing and pray with them. They totally soothe themselves to sleep, but we see it as a really good bonding time. Austin isn't as interested in doing it anymore. But Sunday night he let me, and today at nap time, he let me rock him. I was holding him, thinking how truly blessed I am. I have two beautiful boys who I have been able to cuddle, one for two years, one for almost five months. And while I did miss their first months of life - I pray that we have made the next months and years of their lives a safe haven, memorable in a good way, so that they know love!
Cuddling my 14 month old baby boy while we rock is a wonderful time too. He is such a good cuddler. He snuggles up with his head of my shoulder. Someone mentioned to me that I need to cherish those moments because they don't happen too often after kids get older and I am already experiencing that with Austin. So I am cherishing the moments. I am soaking them up. I am thankful for my two boys. God has worked in marvelous ways in our lives - all of our lives.
I can sit and be sad that we missed the time in our boys life - and I am sad. I can't change that. I will always be sad. But we have a chance to lead them towards a life knowing Jesus. And we have the rest of their years to create photographs and memories for them to look at. And I am thankful for that!
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