Beginnings

I have decided to join the blogging revolution. I don't know if anyone will read what I write. But I think I am doing it more for myself than anyone else. Sometimes writing my thoughts helps ease the emotions in my heart.

I want to write this to chronicle our adoption journey. I have a journal that I wrote during Austin's adoption. Now we are venturing into the world of adoption number 2. This time, it appears that it may be a lot diffent.

Let me explain, I have known for years that I wouldn't be able to have children of my own. So when my husband I got married, we already planned on adoption. It still wasn't easy. It is a built in feature of a woman to want to carry her own child, even go through labor, experience those sleepless nights, ect.  Yet, that wasn't and isn't God's plan for me. Adoption for us the first time was fairly easy - not short or simple, but there wasn't too much heartache involved. The process is briefly as follows:  We had to do a 9 week parenting class, a 130 plus page essay application, a home study, lots of waiting, eventually a phone call that we had been chosen for a child (because he was still in foster care - then there was a foster care application, fingerprints, home study, ect), 3 weeks of visiting, and finally, we brought Austin home. In another about 5 months, we were finally able to go before a judge and have him adopted into our family with all of the rights, responsibilities and privileges of any child that we might have had biologically. What an amazing feeling that day was!!!

Now a year after that adoption day, we are starting a different kind of journey. Two weeks ago, we found out through word-of-mouth that there was a baby born in Miami that was up for private adoption. It looked like a fail-safe option. I was so excited at the prospect of a newborn. In our foster care adoption journey newborns are practically impossible to get.  I named this baby boy, and I loved him so much from the minute we heard about him... Then this adoption fell through. I will be honest, the pain is unbearable. There have been many depressed days, many, many tears. But God knows. And He didn't have this baby planned for us.

Because of the loss of this baby, God has planted a seed in my heart to really want to try to get a newborn... Private adoption has become a closed door for our family at this time... So our new journey - straight fostering newborns in the hope that one of them will eventually come up for adoption.

Wow, this is a scary prospect. The State tries very hard to reunify every child taken to their families. So foster families have the job of loving these kids as they are away from their families and preparing them also to go home... Not an easy task, I can assure you... Sometimes, these kids do become available for adoption...

This is our hope. Our Austin had a foster mom who loved him like her own. And because of that, he learned to bond... If he hadn't learned to bond, he never would have bonded with us after we brought him into our home. So this is an amazing opportunity we are embarking on. We are going to love these children like our own and teach them how to love as well so that when they move on, they can bond and have stable foundations in life...

It is a scary prospect though. How do you love a child and then lose them? I can't answer that yet. I am scared yet excited. I can finally hopefully experience my newborn. I look forward to the sleepless nights. I may not when I am so tired I can't stand up. But for now, I think this is God's mission for us at the moment. I pray that we will quickly have a baby in our home who we can adopt and have as our forever child.

But I trust God to give us the grace to make it through this journey that He has entrusted us with. We would covet prayers as this is an experience we have not ever encountered. And I know that it will be heart wrenching as well as wonderful along the way.

I want to write this blog as an encouragement to those who are thinking about adopting or just for those who might want to pray with us along the way.