A Lonely Journey

I know some people have noticed that my blog posts dropped off the face of the earth... That is mostly because there are major confidentiality laws associated with foster care. Rather than write anything I shouldn't, I have chosen not to say anything.

Foster care though in that respect can be a very lonely journey. Most of the time as a parent, if your child is having a problem, you are free to ask anyone for advice, tell your friends about your problem if you choose, even write about it on facebook. We are not free to do any of those things really...

The past two weeks have been some of the hardest of my life. I have encountered unspeakable things that I coud not even imagine prior to two weeks ago. I was ignorant about many, many things that could happen. I'm not anymore.

It's honestly a very big, very heavy burden to carry. I'm thankful for my husband. I admire those people who are able to be single parents, I cannot imagine myself being strong enough to do that.

While it has been a very difficult two weeks, there are also joyful moments. Singing "Jesus Loves Me," and other Bible songs to your children each day - and the moment you realize that they can repeat all the words; hearing "I love you" for the first time, seeing their faces light up with hugs, ect, ect.

I covet every prayer offered on our behalf right now. Things are getting better in some regards and are rougher in others... We are also waiting to find out if we were chosen to adopt an baby.

You ask me why if things are so difficult would we want to adopt another child... The simplest answer is that we are not sure we want to be involved in the system for years and years to come. Certainly not while we have young children. It is better to have a family and raise them and then start in again if you want to - we have decided anyway. Babies are ideal because even though they have not had easy lives either, you can raise them with your values and they haven't had time to have awful things occur in their lives.

We are also tired of the waiting game - being told you are on a list to adopt, and being told you weren't chosen, over and over and over again. It is so disappointing.

I am fully aware that God is totally in control. And we fully want His will. But it doesn't mean humanly speaking that this process is easy.

There is a very vague impression of our lives at this moment. I had decided not to mention we were waiting again, but I guess at this point, it can't hurt... If there is no more news, then you can figure we were passed over once again and are back to life as it is now - which is ok if that is what it has to be...