Light

My babies are sleeping, all is quiet. Things are looking up. We have made many small baby steps that make me see a future of peace and calmness that has been missing a bit in the past two weeks. Thinking outside of the box has become more of the norm for me. And that is ok. It has been a hard two weeks, but I am learning so much.

I was talking to a friend yesterday who has gone through many trials with her almost year old baby that she waited many, many years to have. And she said, you know, as much as you love and cherish your child (or children), it is still hard. And you don't always want to be thankful. You don't want people's encouragement. You just want to be sad. And that is true. To say that these past two weeks have been easy would really be a lie. But we also discussed perspective and how you change that and find the joy in the small things.

That is what I am trying to do. Each thing we do that doesn't result in tears, each time I can sit for a moment while my kids all play, each time they really get along, each time they obey right away. These things are good. Changing me is what is making the difference. God showing me that I have to step away from "ME" and look at "Him." Those are the moments that I am choosing to be thankful for and to see joy in.

I am tired. I will admit that. And I have been overwhelmed. But I am learning time management. I am actually doing my laundry and putting it away in the same day. For those who know me, they are probably shocked at this revelation. I am learning to take my moments of quiet and use them to my advantage, take a short nap, read a little bit, do my devotions, make a quick call - all taking care of myself a bit too.

Baby steps may not seem like much to anyone else, but to me, they are priceless moments of seeing light at the end of a tunnel. Knowing that I didn't have to go back in and soothe my child to sleep. Knowing that someone was here and I was free to chat for a moment without interruption of crying. Making dinner and having a moment to chat with my husband. These are baby steps that are like leaps and bounds in my world.

I am hoping that I am able to sleep a bit better. Three children has really caused my back to scream in agony from all the bending, lifting, ect that goes on in my day. So at night, I feel it. Sleep is welcome. But if not, that is ok. Things are still looking up. We may have bad times in our days, but the good times are a welcome relief. I am thankful for God walking with me. I am thankful for those encouraging me to go on. I am so glad for friends like mine mentioned above, who let me be honest about how things are going without sugar coating it. I am thankful for Godly women who check in on me daily or weekly to give advice or remind me of their prayers.

We are figuring things out. And we will continue to do so. Not everything that works for us may be the orthodox way to do things, but that is all right. Teaching my kids that they can have peace, love, and safety in the a home is a big part of my job right now. Showing them Jesus - who casts out fear is a privilege. Helping them learn the milestones of their ages is rewarding. So these are the things I choose to focus on - and while I do that, I pray for good sleep :)