We made a huge decision at 6 am today. We decided to put our foster license on hold for a time. We had gotten 5 calls over the last week for children. The child this morning had me really tempted. But when we talked about it, we decided that we have two wonderful children and if we add another right now and have 3 kids 2 years and under then we have no time to adequately spend with the children we have. And I don't want that. I wanted to be a mommy and work from home to really spend time with my kids. With 2 babies and a 2 year old, I would be just shuffling from one to another.
It was a hard decision for me. There are so very many children who need homes. And I desperately want a newborn someday. But we strongly feel that someday will still come when our boys are a bit older.
We also have other considerations, my health being one of them. I am doing great compared to last year, but I definitely still have problems. So adding more pressure and less sleep would be a whole lot harder for me. And we would have to put the boys in the same room. With the baby experiencing night terrors, that would just really disrupt Austin's sleep. So we need to get that figured out too.
I want to be a responsible mommy. I want to enjoy the kids I have. I want to foster later on in my life, and then I can have as many kids in whatever age I want. But right now, I want to make sure that I spend my time now in an appropriate way for our family - spending time teaching our kids about God, about life, about loving others. Those things are important too, just as all those poor kids without families are important.
That time will come again soon for us, but we need a break from the heart breaking phone calls too. It's so hard to say no. And we just don't feel the time is right yet for our family. We have only had the baby for 3 months. I want a bit more time for him to adjust
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