I feel like I have gone through major adjustments a lot in the past few weeks. And I suppose it is true, I have - as has my family, especially my precious Austin. Yet again, we are adjusting to what I hope is our normal for at least a couple years.
Our little girl left yesterday. She was so scared. But she walked out the door with barely a goodbye. I think it is easier to be stoic. I wish I could be. I feel a bit more sad today than I even did yesterday. It's just overwhelming to be wondering where she is, how she is adjusting, are they being kind to her, are they holding her and loving her?
Austin has done pretty well with the change. My dad is here which has helped a lot. It gives us all something different to do this week and something different to focus on. And best news of all, our little boy is back. His personality and outgoing spirit that we love so much - all the smiles and laughs - are back. I realize how hard things have been for him and that breaks my heart too.
My husband has been through a lot too. I know I am not myself right now. I am cranky and irritable. And I want you all to know that he has been a saint through it all. I know that he is hurting too.
We are going to only have two children for a while. We aren't going to take foster children anymore. We need to adjust to the children that we have right now. Our baby is adjusting well, but we don't need to interrupt his adjustment anymore for the moment. I'm thinking that we might even wait for 2 years or so before trying for another adopted child. I want some time with just my boys.
We have learned a lot through this process and hopefully we made a difference in a little girl's life. But we are ready to have a "normal" for a while. Hopefully my posts will get a little lighter from now on.
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