Not My Own

I've been struggling some ever since we got the news that we are allowed to foster newborns. It makes me so sad to think about having a child and having to give them up. I know that God won't give us more than we can handle. And I have to trust that. If I didn't the outlook here might look a little bleak. I might think I wouldn't be able to go on. And maybe I will think that when the time comes.

But there is another truth to consider here. My children are not my own. Austin is not my own right now. Yes, we adopted him. So technically forever on this earth, he is ours. However, Austin is God's. And God may choose to take Austin Home at any time. We don't know. God made Austin, and Austin is still God's.

Mothers though out history have clung hard to their children. I totally understand that. No one wants to lose a child. And I don't think very many parents would voluntarily give up their children. However, as Christians, we are called to do that very thing - give up our child - daily, always realizing that God knows best. He loves my children so much more than I do - and I can't imagine loving them more.

I am really tired today. I think that is complicating the feelings in my heart right now. I think about it though, this is no more tired that I will be if I am up with a newborn. So I choose to be thankful.

I am am thankful for this opportunity. We felt the Lord leading us this direction. And now I just have to trust. I have to trust that God will do the best thing for us. I don't want a baby until it is the baby HE has chosen for us. My heart would rush things, but that is not always best.

It is amazing how many things through this life are meant to teach us. The question is, will we learn? I think sometimes it is harder to learn the lesson than choose to ignore it.

I saw something today that struck me. Instead of asking Why? Why me? Ask How? How can I use this situation to grow closer to and bring glory to God? I think that is the key in our situation.

And while I am writing mostly of my scared feelings, I am excited too. This is an interesting road to walk! Imagine having a baby :). I really can't, but I am excited to possibly experience it. And even if God brings us a child again that isn't a newborn, I still will feel blessed to have another child - if only for a moment.