Sometimes no news is better

Something that people who haven't adopted probably don't realize is how many losses you experience as you wait to adopt... We have had our hearts set on so many babies or children only to have things not work out... It is almost to the point with us now that we just want to not know. We want that surprise phone call that says Yay! You have a baby. Instead, what you get are a lot of dead ends, that you really hope will work out, only they never do...

I suppose with some of them, especially the ones that really seem to be working out, you could compare it to having a miscarriage - only 10 to 15 times before your one child comes home...

This probably sounds like a depressing post. And maybe it is... I try to be upbeat and happy. But seriously, this process really gets to you. It's hard to hear about kids that need help, it's hard to want them, and it's hard when things don't work out...

We have gotten to the point where we don't want to tell anyone about opportunities that arise because we don't want to have to tell people that that same opportunity fell though. You would like to think you could hear about a baby or kids and distance yourself and just no think about it. But it really doesn't work that way, at least not for me. I always wish and wonder and plan and hope and pray...

I just really sometimes don't know how much more my heart can take. I just take comfort in the fact that I know that my God is in control. He is bigger than this difficulty. And He won't give me more than I can handle. All of these things are true. And I can be comforted by them... Now to just remind myself of that a million times each day.

For this reason, maybe more than any other, I appreciate those of you lifting us up in prayer. Pray for our emotions - we are frail. Pray for the RIGHT baby. That is the most important thing in all of this. We want that baby that God wants for us.

But at this point, I'm praying that maybe soon we really would hear about our next baby. It is so hard to go through this again and again... God does know how much I can handle and at times, I think I might be at my limit.