Our baby boy!

I am sitting in my living room waiting for our 9 month old precious baby boy to come home - for good! That is such a wonderful, blessed feeling! Yes, I know I am using lots of exclamation points, but they reflect how I am feeling.

We met him for the first time yesterday. He is such a happy baby. He is so adorable with chubby little cheeks and even chubby little feet. He appears a bit small for his age, but I didn't meet Austin this young, so I have nothing to compare it to. He doesn't have any teeth yet. But he is crawling well and even trying to stand a little.

It is an interesting process to meet your child for the first time with a social worker sitting in your living room watching you. We are getting him today for good and I think the time with just our family will be really nice.

It is a bit overwhelming to think of being mommy to 3 children age 3 and under, but God is good and has provided us a wonderful family - just hoping all 3 can stay with us forever. That remains to be seen.

We are packing the car and leaving for Ohio to see my family about 3:30 pm today. I'm a little scared about that, having not had the baby at all to figure out a schedule for him. But we will make it. And being with family will make sure each child feels special during this initial bonding time.

What a blessing to be given a precious baby boy again. I am so thankful for how God works. I have become a mommy to 3 beautiful children in a period of 3 weeks. Crazy how things work out sometimes.

I am so thankful for the support of my husband, and friends and family. We couldn't be doing this without all the support and love that we have.

More to follow about our precious baby as we progress down this new adventure that is our lives!

Baby Boy Blessing

I am so excited to be able to announce that we will be adopting an 8 month old baby boy! We have know about him for two very long weeks now. But we didn't find out completely for sure until today that we would actually be getting him.

He is an adorable little boy - at least from his pictures. We get to meet him for the first time tomorrow! The social worker said that he is a very happy baby.

We are excited for this newest blessing from God. It seems a little bit overwhelming to have become a family of 5 within 3 weeks. But God is good. Things are going a lot more smoothly at our home right now. The kids seem fairly excited about a baby... Although I'm not sure Austin really understands. He saw the picture of the baby and said "That's Austin :)"

I will try to update again tomorrow about our special time meeting our newest son. We are so thankful for all the prayers on our behalf and the encouragement that has been given to us.

Adoption is such a blessing! I am glad to have been able to walk this road. And I am so thankful to read all the stories of others touched by adoption in their lives as well - we have many friends walking this road as well

A Lonely Journey

I know some people have noticed that my blog posts dropped off the face of the earth... That is mostly because there are major confidentiality laws associated with foster care. Rather than write anything I shouldn't, I have chosen not to say anything.

Foster care though in that respect can be a very lonely journey. Most of the time as a parent, if your child is having a problem, you are free to ask anyone for advice, tell your friends about your problem if you choose, even write about it on facebook. We are not free to do any of those things really...

The past two weeks have been some of the hardest of my life. I have encountered unspeakable things that I coud not even imagine prior to two weeks ago. I was ignorant about many, many things that could happen. I'm not anymore.

It's honestly a very big, very heavy burden to carry. I'm thankful for my husband. I admire those people who are able to be single parents, I cannot imagine myself being strong enough to do that.

While it has been a very difficult two weeks, there are also joyful moments. Singing "Jesus Loves Me," and other Bible songs to your children each day - and the moment you realize that they can repeat all the words; hearing "I love you" for the first time, seeing their faces light up with hugs, ect, ect.

I covet every prayer offered on our behalf right now. Things are getting better in some regards and are rougher in others... We are also waiting to find out if we were chosen to adopt an baby.

You ask me why if things are so difficult would we want to adopt another child... The simplest answer is that we are not sure we want to be involved in the system for years and years to come. Certainly not while we have young children. It is better to have a family and raise them and then start in again if you want to - we have decided anyway. Babies are ideal because even though they have not had easy lives either, you can raise them with your values and they haven't had time to have awful things occur in their lives.

We are also tired of the waiting game - being told you are on a list to adopt, and being told you weren't chosen, over and over and over again. It is so disappointing.

I am fully aware that God is totally in control. And we fully want His will. But it doesn't mean humanly speaking that this process is easy.

There is a very vague impression of our lives at this moment. I had decided not to mention we were waiting again, but I guess at this point, it can't hurt... If there is no more news, then you can figure we were passed over once again and are back to life as it is now - which is ok if that is what it has to be...

Answers to Prayers

Today is a much better day thus far than yesterday was. I have been praising each and every good behavior that the kids do and have pretty much laid down the law that fighting will not be tolerated. Of course, it hasn't stopped it completely, but they are doing much better today. The Lord and I had several long conversations yesterday and I praise Him that He has allowed today to go better.

I have been thanking God that we have Austin permanently. It is heart breaking to love a child and know that it is very possible that they will leave your home and go to a really bad environment. Knowing that Austin is ours forever is such a comforting thought.

There are many families who have fostered children for decades, and I applaud them. What a ministry. It isn't the easiest thing to do. The kids have had rough lives and have seen so many things that some of us may not have even encountered as adults. They have different fears, habits, and even language than children who grow up in a safe, consistent environment. I am reminded to pray for the orphans of this world whether in this country or around the globe. I am thankful that God has called us to this ministry. And I am thankful that He gives grace for each and every day no matter what it may bring.

Pass or Fail

I remember worrying all through high school and college about whether I passed a test or failed a test. And now it seems, I'm somewhat worried about that again, but this time the test is the lives of my children. It seems a lot bigger.

The kids are having a really hard time getting along. They just aren't used to each other. My daughter isn't totally used to me or my husband, the rules of our house, our schedule, ect. I want to be a good mother and show abundant love to both kids while still having an orderly house with rules and good discipline.

In this, I feel like a failure today. The kids are running wild, there is a lot of defiance going on from both kids actually, and things are pretty much in chaos. I know deep in my heart that things will get better for all of us. It is just going to take time. It hasn't even been a week yet and the earlier part of the week had different kids plus my grandma in it.

Yet for some reason as I sit here, I still feel like a failure. I was in Walmart this morning and the kids were yelling, they weren't obeying. I became one of the moms I used to look at and feel pity for because their kids wouldn't obey. Yes, I fully admit it, I was the one this morning with the super disruptive kids. And I couldn't do much of anything about it.

I am still working really hard on obedience, but for some reason right now, things just aren't clicking. I have spent a lot of time praying for God to show me how to handle these things and how to be consistent yet still loving. It is hard sometimes not to totally lose your cool, and I don't want to do that.

This is a whole new world for me. Each day brings new surprises and challenges, not only with the kids but dealing with the social workers and court systems.

I know that day by day things will get easier. At least I am telling myself they will. God brought us here to this point in our lives for a reason. The verse comes to mind, in Jude verse 22 And on some have compassion, making a difference. I want to have compassion and through it make a difference. So I will press on. Even though the tears may and probably will come, I will keep fighting. I will keep working on love and obedience from the kids. And even though we will still have bad days, I hope to see more good ones.

I don't know what the future holds for our family, whether we will stay a family of four or go back to a family of three. But I can tell you that I am praying much about that future and will continue to do so.

Adjusting to Our New Normal

This week has been the craziest week of my life. It is funny how you can want something so very badly and when the reality of it all hits, you aren't sure if you would like to keep it this way or go back to the way it was before. All of those thoughts have run through my mind this week. I wanted another child so badly. And this week, at various times I have had 2, 3, and 4 children at a time.

It was a good week in that it really showed me what would be best for our family. We started out with one child in respite care, then we added another child who will be with us indefinitely, then we added another respite care child for a few hours... all on top of my grandma visiting... and all the children were three years old and under.

I am sure after all of these little ones that it is best for us right now to only have two. The child we have is like a teenager in a baby's body. She has seen so much and knows so much and doesn't really totally know how to act like the small child that she is. And our Austin is having a hard time with all of these changes. He is used to mommy and daddy and Austin... This week we have had three others in the mix as well. I think God used this time to show me that He has a perfect plan and it is best to stick with it. I believe for right now, two is perfect.

I have also wanted a baby so badly. We got Austin at one year and I really want to experience a newborn. While I still want that, things have changed in that arena in my mind as well... I think it is important to love and nurture and guide the children that God has placed with me. Although I still want that baby, I think it may be a little bit down the road for us.

Our new normal for now is a family of four. I love having a little girl. I am so sad to know some of the things she has gone through. More things surface in every situation almost every day. But I know God brought her to us in a very difficult time in her life and I want her to know even if she leaves us that there are families who love her unconditionally and who will guide her even if she doesn't like the guidance.

This is all a much bigger adjustment than I had planned on. I think I thought we would get a baby and I would just adjust to not sleeping... Now I am adjusting to sibling rivalry, sometimes bad language, attitudes and emotions of a little girl. And it has been tough, I'll be honest. I even wondered if I was really cut out for this or if this is what I wanted.

But I want to use this time to make a difference in this child's life. I want her to see Jesus. And I want this to change me for the better as well.

Learning to Give Thanks

I have thought a lot today about how thankful I am for my childhood - there were problems I suppose like any other normal childhood. But I had so many things that some children don't have. I had a permanent roof over my head, always enough food, no abuse, security, love with cuddles, hugs, kisses, and "I love you." Even small things like being allowed to have a night light if I wanted it becomes something to remember and be thankful for.

To watch my new daughter-for-a-time light up when I ask to hug her and to feel her hold on as tightly as possible makes me realize how blessed I was. And I am thankful. Because of the love I was given, I am now able to pass on that love to another precious child.

I think we all could stand to be more thankful for the things that we have. We get so caught up in what we don't have but really we are blessed more than we know.

As a mother - I hope to instill that into the children who are in my home. I want them to be thankful for a little or a lot. I want them to learn that Jesus loves them more than anything and that He has blessed us with tons of blessings - material things, love, health, ect.

Just an update on the kids, they are doing really well together. They all are getting along and enjoying one another. They have their usual kid spats about toys. But they are sleeping well, eating well, and playing together. That is fun to watch.

We take one child back tomorrow. She has been a joy to have here so we will be sad to see her go. Having three children all the same age has been interesting. I will be ok with just having two :). I don't know if we will get another one soon or not. I guess that remains to be seen.

Thank you to my mom and dad though for raising me in safety and security and loving me through the good times and the bad times. Now to do the same and touch these kids lives for eternity!

Another Little Blessing from God

I don't know what I thought when I signed up to be a foster parent. I think I thought things would be super easy - the kids would all be babies, I would get them at the hospital, we would be prepared, they would have a few clothes, ect.

Enter this morning at 4:20 am, yes AM, when my phone rang. It was foster placement. They needed to place a 3 year old girl in our home this morning. I said ok and waited for the investigator to call me. He did so an hour later - a long sleepless hour for my husband and I. He said that he couldn't find placement for her brother and would bring her by when he could. I offered to pick her up so that she could be settled.

So at 5:30 I was on my way. She was sound asleep when I got there. It broke my heart. She looked so little and sweet all curled up in a ball on a couch. Her brother told me that I was taking his sister and he didn't have a place to go. The saddest words I have ever heard I think.

I carried her to the car and brought her home. She is still asleep. Thankfully my grandma is here right now. So Daniel and I ran to Walmart and bought her clothes and a doll and a toothbrush and necessities. She came with only the clothes on her back - those stories are true. Another lesson learned.

I now have three carseats in the back of my husbands car. For two more days, I have three precious lives to infuse with God's love. What a miracle and a blessing we have been given. A cup of cold water in Jesus name. I hope that is what we are doing for these precious children.

Through the Eyes of a Child

The past two days have been interesting to say the least. Yesterday early in the morning, I got a call from fostercare placement saying that they needed a home for two - two year olds for respite care for four days. I accepted them all the while trying to figure out where they would sleep, if the car seats would fit in my car, ect. About four hours later, their foster mom called and said that there was a problem with my foster license and so only one child could be placed with us.

Our foster license is for one legal risk and one foster child. Apparently the legal risk people don't want to use the bed for a foster child - even though it would take weeks for a legal risk child to be placed. Oh well. They are supposed to be looking into this problem for us.

Anyway, we didn't really find out until about ten last night that we would for sure be getting only one child. I went to pick her up this morning from her daycare. She is the sweetest little two year old in the world! She is so good and quiet. She looked up at me when we got to my car and asked where her mommy was, but other than that she has been totally fine being with me.

Austin is enjoying having someone his age to play with. And they both took their naps very well. So all in all my first foray into this foster world has been good.

I have been so touched though about how difficult these kids lives really. Look at this situation through the eyes of a child. Here she is, taken from her family, placed in foster care, now placed in a different home for four days with people she doesn't know. She is just a baby. Wow, makes me really want to pray harder for these kids!! Won't you join me?