2012, wow. Crazy to think that we have come this far! I remember being in high school, thinking I'll never get married, I'll never have kids, ect. Yes, well, here I am married, and have had five children through my home this year. This year is a good one to look back on. I have had relatively good health, thankfully, NO surgeries. After 12, that is quite a praise to make it a year with none! And we have two forever little boys. There is no bigger praise than that. Nothing more can really be said, but that God has blessed us more than we deserve. And I am so thankful for them. I am thankful for the gift of being Mommy. I am not always very good at it. But He has blessed me with the time to try, the lives to mold into men for Him. Looking back, thinking I would never have my own children, and now I have three - two of them forever! Thank you, Lord! Really, nothing more needs said, but we are blessed!
I always get a bit reflective on New Years' Eve wondering what next year will hold. And of course, this year, the same questions are in my mind. But this time last year, we only had one little boy. We have gone from one child to three! Who knows what the next year will bring! Maybe I should be scared. We grew exponentially this year! You can't be a foster parent without wondering what the future holds. I wonder it every day. But definitely on the dawn of a new year. We hope and we pray, but we really don't know until we walk the road that this year holds.
I pray that this is the year that my children learn more about God, about being real, about growing in Him. I have hope that they will be saved at an early age. And I also pray that they will absolutely understand deeply what it means to have a relationship with Jesus, a real one. I pray that this year I will exhibit this for them, that they will know that their Mommy loves Jesus. So much for a parent to realize is their responsibility. We are shaping little lives helping point them towards their Savior. May I do my job well!
I pray for health for my children and my husband and I. We have walked the road of illness with each child. It is not a road that I would like to travel again, so definitely good health is on my wishlist for the new year!
I pray for peace in our household. I hope that we continue to learn how to develop the personalities of each of the children, that we teach them to obey, that they learn to get along with each other and with us as their parents, that calmness with reign in our household for the most part. That may seem to be a strange wish, but bringing children into your home that come at 9 months, 1 year, or even closer to 2, means that they already have personality traits, and even some values, that have to be melded into the household. And it is not always peaceful. I pray for peace.
I pray for safety for each of us as we have no idea what the future holds. I pray that we will look back at the end of 2012 and have as many good memories of that year as we do of this year. I pray that we will add more to our family by adoption. I also pray that we will know when to quit LOL. I pray that my children will have truly grown in knowledge, and stature, and in favor with God and with man.
We have been given three little gifts for now. I hope that we can be all to them that they need. The parents that they haven't experienced appropriately in their short lives. I pray that even though they know they are adopted, that they will be utterly secure in our love for them and that they will know that beyond everything else in this world that we love them more than life itself and are eternally thankful that they have been brought by God to us. It is amazing to think of the circumstances that have brought each child to our lives. Now may we be worthy of the gifts we have been given.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Christmas Miracles
Christmas Day! I hadn't quite been feeling very Christmasy just because of the adoption and getting through all of that. But last night my husband put up our tree and we decorated it after the kids were in bed. To see their little faces light up when they saw it was priceless.
We are generally with family for Christmas, but this year for many reasons, we had decided not to travel. I'm glad for the decision. It is wonderful to begin to make traditions with our kids that we can use for many years to come. We certainly hope we can spend time with family during the holidays, but a quiet Christmas with just our kids was very, very nice. The kids enjoyed their presents, our oldest of course more than the babies. We read them the Christmas story and then they opened their presents. And we ended the morning ritual with cinnamon rolls for breakfast! We did make a traditional Christmas dinner just on a smaller scale, and that was nice.
It's been a relaxing day, but one of reflection as well. This time last year, we had no idea what our lives would hold this year. Now we have two little boys now and a little girl. We have gone through our second adoption, which is amazing. And all in all we are completely, totally blessed.
Thinking much about how Mary must have felt, holding her baby in her arms for the first time. She knew He would be great. What a feeling I'm sure. And from Joseph's perspective, he adopted Jesus and loved Him as his very own. We are trying to teach our kids that this is the true meaning of Christmas. A baby who came to earth to save us all from our sins! What a big responsibility that baby had. And He of course fulfilled it.
I pray that my children will be all that God wants them to be in the coming years. I pray that their little feet will take them into places where they can most shine Christ's glory and show His love to all they encounter. We have been given a great privilege to raise these special, precious children. And above all, we want them to understand that they have a need of a Savior. And then that they will grow up in wisdom, and in stature, and in favor with God and man.
We are generally with family for Christmas, but this year for many reasons, we had decided not to travel. I'm glad for the decision. It is wonderful to begin to make traditions with our kids that we can use for many years to come. We certainly hope we can spend time with family during the holidays, but a quiet Christmas with just our kids was very, very nice. The kids enjoyed their presents, our oldest of course more than the babies. We read them the Christmas story and then they opened their presents. And we ended the morning ritual with cinnamon rolls for breakfast! We did make a traditional Christmas dinner just on a smaller scale, and that was nice.
It's been a relaxing day, but one of reflection as well. This time last year, we had no idea what our lives would hold this year. Now we have two little boys now and a little girl. We have gone through our second adoption, which is amazing. And all in all we are completely, totally blessed.
Thinking much about how Mary must have felt, holding her baby in her arms for the first time. She knew He would be great. What a feeling I'm sure. And from Joseph's perspective, he adopted Jesus and loved Him as his very own. We are trying to teach our kids that this is the true meaning of Christmas. A baby who came to earth to save us all from our sins! What a big responsibility that baby had. And He of course fulfilled it.
I pray that my children will be all that God wants them to be in the coming years. I pray that their little feet will take them into places where they can most shine Christ's glory and show His love to all they encounter. We have been given a great privilege to raise these special, precious children. And above all, we want them to understand that they have a need of a Savior. And then that they will grow up in wisdom, and in stature, and in favor with God and man.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
ADOPTION DAY!
"It is therefore adjudged that the male child born August 11, 2010, in Pensacola, Florida, is the legal child of his parents and is their legal heir at law. He is therefore entitled to all of the rights and privileges and subject to all of the obligations of a child born to the Petitioners. It is further adjudged that the child shall be given a new lawful name, by which he shall be known hereafter."
Today, December 22, 2011, was the best day we have had since May 27, 2011, when our precious baby boy came into home. We have had a son for almost exactly seven months - however, today, he has taken our name. And for that, we are supremely thankful. As my husband aptly said, "For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given." And it does make one think of the awe that Mary and Joseph must have felt holding their baby in their arms for the very first time. Amazement, joy, awe, thankfulness, with a couple choked up throats and wet eyes thrown in.
We have had such a team of people praying for us, loving us, listening to us, encouraging us, and even coming to our adoption to support us. These people are the people who have made helped make our dreams come true. Without you, and a HUGE God we would not have had this day in our lives. Our God has given us the best Christmas present that I could have ever asked for. And we are blessed.
Our judge was so kind and thoughtful. He said he would even be "honored" to have his picture taken with us. Wow, that was amazing. (Especially after our last adoption experience when the judge could have cared less.) This judge has had our baby boy from the beginning in his court room. And so he knows the full story and is so happy for us that it seemed to just radiate from him. He hugged me, shook my husbands hand and made over the boys. That was so nice. He gave us the biggest blessing today signing his name to the above decree making us a forever family of four.
I have no more worries. Our baby is ours forever! Forever, wow, that is an amazingly wonderful word! I'm so beyond happy today, although a bit tired coming down from the adrenaline high :). I am thankful for my friends who drove here from California to be with us, a friend who brought all three of her kids, our friend who thought she would be adopting today, our social workers and guardians, all of those who made this journey a reality. We love you all.
And baby boy, you are loved, you are special, you have our name, and all the rights and privileges of anyone born into our family. For us, these words just make us smile. You have had our hearts for seven months, now you have our names and you are our heir. Thank you for being in our home. Thank you for being our little boy. Now not only are you a child of our heart - you are a child who bears our name!
Today, December 22, 2011, was the best day we have had since May 27, 2011, when our precious baby boy came into home. We have had a son for almost exactly seven months - however, today, he has taken our name. And for that, we are supremely thankful. As my husband aptly said, "For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given." And it does make one think of the awe that Mary and Joseph must have felt holding their baby in their arms for the very first time. Amazement, joy, awe, thankfulness, with a couple choked up throats and wet eyes thrown in.
We have had such a team of people praying for us, loving us, listening to us, encouraging us, and even coming to our adoption to support us. These people are the people who have made helped make our dreams come true. Without you, and a HUGE God we would not have had this day in our lives. Our God has given us the best Christmas present that I could have ever asked for. And we are blessed.
Our judge was so kind and thoughtful. He said he would even be "honored" to have his picture taken with us. Wow, that was amazing. (Especially after our last adoption experience when the judge could have cared less.) This judge has had our baby boy from the beginning in his court room. And so he knows the full story and is so happy for us that it seemed to just radiate from him. He hugged me, shook my husbands hand and made over the boys. That was so nice. He gave us the biggest blessing today signing his name to the above decree making us a forever family of four.
I have no more worries. Our baby is ours forever! Forever, wow, that is an amazingly wonderful word! I'm so beyond happy today, although a bit tired coming down from the adrenaline high :). I am thankful for my friends who drove here from California to be with us, a friend who brought all three of her kids, our friend who thought she would be adopting today, our social workers and guardians, all of those who made this journey a reality. We love you all.
And baby boy, you are loved, you are special, you have our name, and all the rights and privileges of anyone born into our family. For us, these words just make us smile. You have had our hearts for seven months, now you have our names and you are our heir. Thank you for being in our home. Thank you for being our little boy. Now not only are you a child of our heart - you are a child who bears our name!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Celebrating
So many emotions going through me tonight. Two more days and our precious baby will be ours. And there are many, many reasons why I am thankful. Some reasons may be ones that no one has ever considered...
1. He will be OURS - our last name, his birth certificate says our name
2. No social worker visits each month
3. If he is sick, we can take him to the doctor without calling anyone to tell them what was said.
4. No one can tell us how things will be working with our child, he will be in our family and we will always know what is going on.
5. He will never, ever leave our house without one of us - we won't have to hand him over to social workers for visits.
6. When I call the doctor, both my boys will have the same last name.
7. We GOT to choose his name - that is a big deal :)
8. We can give him our belief system without anyone regulating if and where he goes to church.
9. If we need things for him, we depend on no government systems, we are free to take care of him ourselves.
10. We are free to cut his hair (yes, really.)
11. If he is sick, and needs to sleep in our room for one night, it is perfectly legal to choose to do that because he is our son.
12. I no longer have to carry around a care and custody letter giving me permission to even have him in my car let alone get him treated for things
13. I can choose if he needs mental health services and no one even will suggest them (and he doesn't)
You may think these are silly things, but in my world, they are things to celebrate. Yes, we become even more ultimately responsible for our child with no one there for back up, but that is what parents are, responsible for their kids. Totally and completely. They don't have to worry about losing their permission slip as it were. They just care for the child. Being a foster parent, this really is a big, big deal. People have asked why we were pushing so hard to adopt before Christmas. Well, a multitude of reasons. My biggest being peace of mine. He is OURS. Really and truly ALL OURS. That is a big load off of my mind. I don't have to worry if he gets sick again, I can just take care of him. Also, can anyone really disagree that a baby forever is not a precious, wonderful, blessed Christmas gift? Who wouldn't want that? It does mean we will celebrate his adoption close to Christmas every year, but that is totally ok by me.
Answering to people for your children gets a bit old. Just being honest. I wanted my blog to show our journey. This is part of the journey. Having your child be only your child is reason to smile. For real! I'm so thankful for my baby boy. I love him beyond measure. And introducing him to the world as our child with our last name is going to be amazing!
1. He will be OURS - our last name, his birth certificate says our name
2. No social worker visits each month
3. If he is sick, we can take him to the doctor without calling anyone to tell them what was said.
4. No one can tell us how things will be working with our child, he will be in our family and we will always know what is going on.
5. He will never, ever leave our house without one of us - we won't have to hand him over to social workers for visits.
6. When I call the doctor, both my boys will have the same last name.
7. We GOT to choose his name - that is a big deal :)
8. We can give him our belief system without anyone regulating if and where he goes to church.
9. If we need things for him, we depend on no government systems, we are free to take care of him ourselves.
10. We are free to cut his hair (yes, really.)
11. If he is sick, and needs to sleep in our room for one night, it is perfectly legal to choose to do that because he is our son.
12. I no longer have to carry around a care and custody letter giving me permission to even have him in my car let alone get him treated for things
13. I can choose if he needs mental health services and no one even will suggest them (and he doesn't)
You may think these are silly things, but in my world, they are things to celebrate. Yes, we become even more ultimately responsible for our child with no one there for back up, but that is what parents are, responsible for their kids. Totally and completely. They don't have to worry about losing their permission slip as it were. They just care for the child. Being a foster parent, this really is a big, big deal. People have asked why we were pushing so hard to adopt before Christmas. Well, a multitude of reasons. My biggest being peace of mine. He is OURS. Really and truly ALL OURS. That is a big load off of my mind. I don't have to worry if he gets sick again, I can just take care of him. Also, can anyone really disagree that a baby forever is not a precious, wonderful, blessed Christmas gift? Who wouldn't want that? It does mean we will celebrate his adoption close to Christmas every year, but that is totally ok by me.
Answering to people for your children gets a bit old. Just being honest. I wanted my blog to show our journey. This is part of the journey. Having your child be only your child is reason to smile. For real! I'm so thankful for my baby boy. I love him beyond measure. And introducing him to the world as our child with our last name is going to be amazing!
Monday, December 19, 2011
Christmas Miracle!!
Today, we got our Christmas miracle - we get to adopt our precious baby boy on December 22 - that is THIS Thursday! We are so happy and excited. We could feel our friends prayers today as we traveled safely and in good time to get our paperwork, and we got it filed at the court house with basically no glitches. We are for sure headed to the court house on Thursday at 1:15 to add another baby boy to our forever family. And that, my friends, is the greatest Christmas miracle in our lives currently.
We are also seeing great changes in our little girl. She is learning to play, starting to laugh, and generally seeming to feel better about her life as she knows it now. That, in itself, is in fact a miracle, speaking of miracles. This has been a transformation to watch, and not really an easy one. But it is definitely wonderful to watch her grow and blossom, to learn and grow, to begin saying more words, to learn to be helpful, and enjoy life and her family.
God has been good to us - we have children forever - ones we never thought we would have. We are anticipating Christmas as a family of five, and yes, my shopping is completed. We have loving family and great friends, and this year we can tell all three of children about the baby who came in a manger who ended up Saving us all. That is a precious gift.
We are also seeing great changes in our little girl. She is learning to play, starting to laugh, and generally seeming to feel better about her life as she knows it now. That, in itself, is in fact a miracle, speaking of miracles. This has been a transformation to watch, and not really an easy one. But it is definitely wonderful to watch her grow and blossom, to learn and grow, to begin saying more words, to learn to be helpful, and enjoy life and her family.
God has been good to us - we have children forever - ones we never thought we would have. We are anticipating Christmas as a family of five, and yes, my shopping is completed. We have loving family and great friends, and this year we can tell all three of children about the baby who came in a manger who ended up Saving us all. That is a precious gift.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Praying for A Christmas Miracle
I'm sitting on the couch while the kids are asleep being totally overwhelmed with life knowing that my God is in control, of whatever happens - the way I want it to or not. But sometimes that truth is hard to swallow. I want what I want when I want it. Not appropriate I know, but the truth none-the-less.
We are tentatively - and I do mean very tentatively - scheduled to adopt our precious baby boy number two on Thursday. But we hadn't heard anything from the lawyer by yesterday. So I ended up calling her. Thankfully she did our first son's adoption, so she knows us. She had JUST gotten our paperwork and had two other people in front of us. So she said she wasn't sure if we would get done with the adoption next week or not. Of course, the adrenaline kicked in and my husband and I started trying to decide what to do. He called the lawyer back and asked her what we could do to help her out.
She said we could come to her town, about an hour away from us, and pick up the paperwork, bypassing the mail service, which cuts days out of the process. So we decided to do that. We were supposed to do that on Friday (tomorrow). However, today she called and said there was a problem with the paperwork that had to be corrected, which couldn't be done until tomorrow.
So we have a new plan, it is a tight one in the schedule of this adoption process. But we are traveling to the town on Monday with all three kids, having to be there by 8:30 - and it is an hour away. We are picking up the papers, having it notarized (thankfully the Lord allowed us to find a notary quickly there that is willing to go the extra mile for us), drive it back to the lawyer to be completed, drive it to the Pensacola court house and file it - making sure the correct judge is on the paperwork so that we are assured a spot on the docket. Yes, makes me tired just to type it.
But, I am seeing it all as a Christmas miracle - giving us a Christmas blessing - a precious baby boy number two to make us a forever family of four. That my friends, is truly an act of our Creator God! My precious babies, born to another birth mother, given to me under sometimes the most intense circumstances, everything working out literally down to the minute to grow our family by one more.
Today has been a day of up and down emotions. It started out a lot on the stressful side trying to figure out how to get these papers file with the court, and the kids were quite loud this morning as well, a lot of crying. But as the day progressed, things got better. We figured out our day Monday, still praying it all works out. And the kids did very well today.
In fact, it is the best day I have had in literally almost a month. And I am thankful. It gives me hope. It makes me see light at the end of what felt like a dark tunnel. My three children played together for the first time today. All giggling and enjoying each other with no crying or quarrels. These are the priceless moments in my journey - literally making up for a few of the moments where the tears come for me.
A few other amazing things happened today. Maybe, if they pan out, I can share them in the future. For now, though, please continue to pray for us in all things. Our lives are taking turns we never expected them to take. For now, we are concentrating on Monday then Thursday and then Christmas (Which reminds me that maybe I should go shopping for present for the kids :) I do have a couple, but...)
Adoption is one of the best things to enter my life. God has blessed us immensely. And I am thankful and early watching how things will turn our in the next few days, a play that only our God can orchestrate.
We are tentatively - and I do mean very tentatively - scheduled to adopt our precious baby boy number two on Thursday. But we hadn't heard anything from the lawyer by yesterday. So I ended up calling her. Thankfully she did our first son's adoption, so she knows us. She had JUST gotten our paperwork and had two other people in front of us. So she said she wasn't sure if we would get done with the adoption next week or not. Of course, the adrenaline kicked in and my husband and I started trying to decide what to do. He called the lawyer back and asked her what we could do to help her out.
She said we could come to her town, about an hour away from us, and pick up the paperwork, bypassing the mail service, which cuts days out of the process. So we decided to do that. We were supposed to do that on Friday (tomorrow). However, today she called and said there was a problem with the paperwork that had to be corrected, which couldn't be done until tomorrow.
So we have a new plan, it is a tight one in the schedule of this adoption process. But we are traveling to the town on Monday with all three kids, having to be there by 8:30 - and it is an hour away. We are picking up the papers, having it notarized (thankfully the Lord allowed us to find a notary quickly there that is willing to go the extra mile for us), drive it back to the lawyer to be completed, drive it to the Pensacola court house and file it - making sure the correct judge is on the paperwork so that we are assured a spot on the docket. Yes, makes me tired just to type it.
But, I am seeing it all as a Christmas miracle - giving us a Christmas blessing - a precious baby boy number two to make us a forever family of four. That my friends, is truly an act of our Creator God! My precious babies, born to another birth mother, given to me under sometimes the most intense circumstances, everything working out literally down to the minute to grow our family by one more.
Today has been a day of up and down emotions. It started out a lot on the stressful side trying to figure out how to get these papers file with the court, and the kids were quite loud this morning as well, a lot of crying. But as the day progressed, things got better. We figured out our day Monday, still praying it all works out. And the kids did very well today.
In fact, it is the best day I have had in literally almost a month. And I am thankful. It gives me hope. It makes me see light at the end of what felt like a dark tunnel. My three children played together for the first time today. All giggling and enjoying each other with no crying or quarrels. These are the priceless moments in my journey - literally making up for a few of the moments where the tears come for me.
A few other amazing things happened today. Maybe, if they pan out, I can share them in the future. For now, though, please continue to pray for us in all things. Our lives are taking turns we never expected them to take. For now, we are concentrating on Monday then Thursday and then Christmas (Which reminds me that maybe I should go shopping for present for the kids :) I do have a couple, but...)
Adoption is one of the best things to enter my life. God has blessed us immensely. And I am thankful and early watching how things will turn our in the next few days, a play that only our God can orchestrate.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Learning Times
This has definitely been a week of learning for me - learning parenting techniques never before used in our home, learning to juggle three children instead of two - two the same age almost, learning to find quality time for each child, learning to juggle household chores during hours while my husband is at work, learning to rely on the Lord instead of me. This last one, probably the most important of all, and maybe the reason for this week of learning.
Sometimes, when you get a child and haven't had them all their lives, it is hard to know what shapes their action and behaviors. As you learn little bits of the puzzle, things become clearer and you have a better idea of how to teach the children. But it is still a long, sometimes painful process for the parent trying to be compassionate but still guide the child in the way they should appropriately go.
I am thankful this week for friends, I have had so many just listen to me, a few bring me supper, some come over to just be with me and give me adult conversation. I am thankful so much for that. I am thankful for people who care about me, even when I appear to be falling apart emotionally. I am thankful for people who don't judge when my life is going crazy and I'm not appearing to be at all in control.
I'm trying to pay attention to these lessons that God is trying to teach me. I'm trying to learn them as they come instead of pass them by so that I have to learn them a harder way later. Control seems to be a big issue for me. I want always for things to go my way, in my time. That isn't happening in our lives right now. I am living on someone else's schedule and really have no say in the matter. Hard lesson for me, but a good one. Giving it all to God knowing that He can work it all out - and it is better His way than mine.
I'm thankful for my oldest boy who is being such a big helper. I'm thankful for the fact that he IS potty training. I'm thankful that he is learning obedience - not always doing it, but beginning to learn. I'm thankful for our baby boy who I pray is adopted in just 12 short days. I am thankful for his sweet spirit and for making me smile. The more we learn about his past, the more I can't even imagine how he is so calm and sweet-spirited. So I am thankful that God has allowed this to be his precious personality. I am thankful for the bonding my boys are showing, seeing them want to be with each other, hating it when the other is still sleeping, finding them in a room just playing together. These are moments I want to cherish and remember.
Sometimes, when you get a child and haven't had them all their lives, it is hard to know what shapes their action and behaviors. As you learn little bits of the puzzle, things become clearer and you have a better idea of how to teach the children. But it is still a long, sometimes painful process for the parent trying to be compassionate but still guide the child in the way they should appropriately go.
I am thankful this week for friends, I have had so many just listen to me, a few bring me supper, some come over to just be with me and give me adult conversation. I am thankful so much for that. I am thankful for people who care about me, even when I appear to be falling apart emotionally. I am thankful for people who don't judge when my life is going crazy and I'm not appearing to be at all in control.
I'm trying to pay attention to these lessons that God is trying to teach me. I'm trying to learn them as they come instead of pass them by so that I have to learn them a harder way later. Control seems to be a big issue for me. I want always for things to go my way, in my time. That isn't happening in our lives right now. I am living on someone else's schedule and really have no say in the matter. Hard lesson for me, but a good one. Giving it all to God knowing that He can work it all out - and it is better His way than mine.
I'm thankful for my oldest boy who is being such a big helper. I'm thankful for the fact that he IS potty training. I'm thankful that he is learning obedience - not always doing it, but beginning to learn. I'm thankful for our baby boy who I pray is adopted in just 12 short days. I am thankful for his sweet spirit and for making me smile. The more we learn about his past, the more I can't even imagine how he is so calm and sweet-spirited. So I am thankful that God has allowed this to be his precious personality. I am thankful for the bonding my boys are showing, seeing them want to be with each other, hating it when the other is still sleeping, finding them in a room just playing together. These are moments I want to cherish and remember.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
No More Foster Care
Today is a fabulous day for my family! Baby boy is on his way to being ours forever. Today, we signed the papers moving him from foster care to adoptive placement. That was wonderful. We saw the name we had chosen for his forever name in writing. We signed our names accepting him into our family forever (and accepting to be told of any future siblings, if they would need homes - a part most people don't know comes with foster care adoption).
It gives me chills to know we are this far into the process. We have seen God work. And I am thankful. I am so thankful for this precious baby boy who has blessed our lives from the day he came into our home. I am crying as I write this just thinking of how far he has come and how much he has changed our lives and given us so much joy.
This baby boy came into our home on May 27, 2011. We got in the car 2 hours after he came home and drove 17 hours to Ohio to see my family. And he was fine. We drove home 10 days later, and he was fine. He has done so well. His adjustment was so easy. His personality is so happy. He doesn't cry unless he is hurt or really, really needs something. He is independent, wanting to play on his own as long as he gets hugs here and there in between. He is a light in our world, always making us smile as he walks through life with utter joy. This baby is precious.
I think of the times that I wish I could be pregnant, but looking at this baby boy, I know that God chose him for us. No other child would fit into our family so well. What a blessing to know that out of thousands of babies in orphan homes or foster care at home or around the world, God chose THIS baby for us.
I think, now that is Christmas, how Mary must have felt. Having her baby specifically "chosen" for her. I know that I can't compare myself to Mary in any way. Yet, my children have been specifically chosen for me. And I am blessed. I can't wait to be able to announce our baby boy's name to the world - using MY last name as his - knowing that he will then have the rights, privileges, and responsibilities of any child who bears our last name.
We still have a few hurdles to cross. Our paperwork has to get to the State's lawyer, she has to process it, send it to us for signatures, get it back and send it to the court - all before December 20 if we want to adopt on December 22. So we have specific prayer requests there.
But our God is great. He has brought us this far. I have no doubt that He can move this mountain as well. Our precious baby boy is one of the biggest blessings to date in my life. I will forever remember this experience a great one - even with the hurdles that were crossed because Lord willing, on December 22, I will forever have two boys who carry my last name, who know that they have forever families, who have no worries about not being loved and cared for, who will have family until we are taken from this life. We are blessed. I say that a lot. But it is true. This baby boy is one I will forever be thankful for - a precious gift at Christmas-time. Thank you Jesus!
It gives me chills to know we are this far into the process. We have seen God work. And I am thankful. I am so thankful for this precious baby boy who has blessed our lives from the day he came into our home. I am crying as I write this just thinking of how far he has come and how much he has changed our lives and given us so much joy.
This baby boy came into our home on May 27, 2011. We got in the car 2 hours after he came home and drove 17 hours to Ohio to see my family. And he was fine. We drove home 10 days later, and he was fine. He has done so well. His adjustment was so easy. His personality is so happy. He doesn't cry unless he is hurt or really, really needs something. He is independent, wanting to play on his own as long as he gets hugs here and there in between. He is a light in our world, always making us smile as he walks through life with utter joy. This baby is precious.
I think of the times that I wish I could be pregnant, but looking at this baby boy, I know that God chose him for us. No other child would fit into our family so well. What a blessing to know that out of thousands of babies in orphan homes or foster care at home or around the world, God chose THIS baby for us.
I think, now that is Christmas, how Mary must have felt. Having her baby specifically "chosen" for her. I know that I can't compare myself to Mary in any way. Yet, my children have been specifically chosen for me. And I am blessed. I can't wait to be able to announce our baby boy's name to the world - using MY last name as his - knowing that he will then have the rights, privileges, and responsibilities of any child who bears our last name.
We still have a few hurdles to cross. Our paperwork has to get to the State's lawyer, she has to process it, send it to us for signatures, get it back and send it to the court - all before December 20 if we want to adopt on December 22. So we have specific prayer requests there.
But our God is great. He has brought us this far. I have no doubt that He can move this mountain as well. Our precious baby boy is one of the biggest blessings to date in my life. I will forever remember this experience a great one - even with the hurdles that were crossed because Lord willing, on December 22, I will forever have two boys who carry my last name, who know that they have forever families, who have no worries about not being loved and cared for, who will have family until we are taken from this life. We are blessed. I say that a lot. But it is true. This baby boy is one I will forever be thankful for - a precious gift at Christmas-time. Thank you Jesus!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Light
My babies are sleeping, all is quiet. Things are looking up. We have made many small baby steps that make me see a future of peace and calmness that has been missing a bit in the past two weeks. Thinking outside of the box has become more of the norm for me. And that is ok. It has been a hard two weeks, but I am learning so much.
I was talking to a friend yesterday who has gone through many trials with her almost year old baby that she waited many, many years to have. And she said, you know, as much as you love and cherish your child (or children), it is still hard. And you don't always want to be thankful. You don't want people's encouragement. You just want to be sad. And that is true. To say that these past two weeks have been easy would really be a lie. But we also discussed perspective and how you change that and find the joy in the small things.
That is what I am trying to do. Each thing we do that doesn't result in tears, each time I can sit for a moment while my kids all play, each time they really get along, each time they obey right away. These things are good. Changing me is what is making the difference. God showing me that I have to step away from "ME" and look at "Him." Those are the moments that I am choosing to be thankful for and to see joy in.
I am tired. I will admit that. And I have been overwhelmed. But I am learning time management. I am actually doing my laundry and putting it away in the same day. For those who know me, they are probably shocked at this revelation. I am learning to take my moments of quiet and use them to my advantage, take a short nap, read a little bit, do my devotions, make a quick call - all taking care of myself a bit too.
Baby steps may not seem like much to anyone else, but to me, they are priceless moments of seeing light at the end of a tunnel. Knowing that I didn't have to go back in and soothe my child to sleep. Knowing that someone was here and I was free to chat for a moment without interruption of crying. Making dinner and having a moment to chat with my husband. These are baby steps that are like leaps and bounds in my world.
I am hoping that I am able to sleep a bit better. Three children has really caused my back to scream in agony from all the bending, lifting, ect that goes on in my day. So at night, I feel it. Sleep is welcome. But if not, that is ok. Things are still looking up. We may have bad times in our days, but the good times are a welcome relief. I am thankful for God walking with me. I am thankful for those encouraging me to go on. I am so glad for friends like mine mentioned above, who let me be honest about how things are going without sugar coating it. I am thankful for Godly women who check in on me daily or weekly to give advice or remind me of their prayers.
We are figuring things out. And we will continue to do so. Not everything that works for us may be the orthodox way to do things, but that is all right. Teaching my kids that they can have peace, love, and safety in the a home is a big part of my job right now. Showing them Jesus - who casts out fear is a privilege. Helping them learn the milestones of their ages is rewarding. So these are the things I choose to focus on - and while I do that, I pray for good sleep :)
I was talking to a friend yesterday who has gone through many trials with her almost year old baby that she waited many, many years to have. And she said, you know, as much as you love and cherish your child (or children), it is still hard. And you don't always want to be thankful. You don't want people's encouragement. You just want to be sad. And that is true. To say that these past two weeks have been easy would really be a lie. But we also discussed perspective and how you change that and find the joy in the small things.
That is what I am trying to do. Each thing we do that doesn't result in tears, each time I can sit for a moment while my kids all play, each time they really get along, each time they obey right away. These things are good. Changing me is what is making the difference. God showing me that I have to step away from "ME" and look at "Him." Those are the moments that I am choosing to be thankful for and to see joy in.
I am tired. I will admit that. And I have been overwhelmed. But I am learning time management. I am actually doing my laundry and putting it away in the same day. For those who know me, they are probably shocked at this revelation. I am learning to take my moments of quiet and use them to my advantage, take a short nap, read a little bit, do my devotions, make a quick call - all taking care of myself a bit too.
Baby steps may not seem like much to anyone else, but to me, they are priceless moments of seeing light at the end of a tunnel. Knowing that I didn't have to go back in and soothe my child to sleep. Knowing that someone was here and I was free to chat for a moment without interruption of crying. Making dinner and having a moment to chat with my husband. These are baby steps that are like leaps and bounds in my world.
I am hoping that I am able to sleep a bit better. Three children has really caused my back to scream in agony from all the bending, lifting, ect that goes on in my day. So at night, I feel it. Sleep is welcome. But if not, that is ok. Things are still looking up. We may have bad times in our days, but the good times are a welcome relief. I am thankful for God walking with me. I am thankful for those encouraging me to go on. I am so glad for friends like mine mentioned above, who let me be honest about how things are going without sugar coating it. I am thankful for Godly women who check in on me daily or weekly to give advice or remind me of their prayers.
We are figuring things out. And we will continue to do so. Not everything that works for us may be the orthodox way to do things, but that is all right. Teaching my kids that they can have peace, love, and safety in the a home is a big part of my job right now. Showing them Jesus - who casts out fear is a privilege. Helping them learn the milestones of their ages is rewarding. So these are the things I choose to focus on - and while I do that, I pray for good sleep :)
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Thankful for Tables, Nap time, and Christmas lights
I have decided that I am living right now from nap time to bed time LOL with lots of food in between. I think about my day in these terms - Kids wake up, get dressed, EAT breakfast, EAT snack, NAPTIME!!!!, EAT snack, EAT supper, and the BEDTIME!!! And I am learning to cherish the quiet time. And I am thankful for good sleepers!
Heaven forbid that we have something that interrupts said schedule - like me having to run with all 3 kids the the WIC office tomorrow :). But never fear, we get all of those eating and sleeping times in each day - especially the eating. I am wishing a bit that it was light outside longer so that we could enjoy being outside more each day, but it is dark here by 5 pm so when the kids get up from their naps they don't have long to play outside.
I decided to make today's post a bit lighter after yesterdays. I did manage to get two of the kids to church today. Austin had a high fever last night so we decided to keep him home. I will admit that church with "twins" was a bit on the interesting and exhausting side for mommy. But we made it and I was refreshed to have time in church - even though I came home exhausted.
I have decorated the inside for Christmas mostly, no tree yet. Not sure when we will be attempting that. I put lights up on a huge wrought iron piece that I have above the table. And, my table, by the way, is a wonderful thing. We sold our round, glass topped, four chair bistro table, and bought a square, oak table with six chairs and a bench. Having space on the table for all of our meal times is WONDERFUL! Really :)
I'm learning how to work my schedule with three kids, learning that the laundry has to be done a lot more, dishes the same, and we are keeping our house far more orderly than we used to. I am enjoying that part! I have also figured out that doing my work for my job might as well not happen until the kids go to sleep because I don't get much accomplished. So later at night you will find me sitting on the couch working as quickly and efficiently as possible.
I am thankful for my three blessings. I am thankful for the lessons God is teaching me through this experience. I am learning to not be as me focused. And that isn't a bad thing. On a serious note, I have had a friend lose her baby recently, and reading her blog last night just made me remember how blessed I am, even if I am overwhelmed. She would probably wish to have screaming children and a dirty house. So I am going to be thankful. And today, like yesterday, I am celebrating the victories - I made it to church, all the way through church. We are getting a schedule figured out. I am focusing my expectations and zeroing in on priorities. I am thankful for things like tables, and nap times, and friends who redirect my thinking, for a husband who puts up with me and is a huge help. I'm thankful for Christmas lights and Christmas music. And that this year, for a time, God has blessed me with three blessings.
And I am praying that blessing number three (technically came at number two, but is the youngest, so now is three - confusing huh?) gets officially adopted this month. We have been finger printed and are praying those come back quickly. Then we will pray we can get a lawyer to get us a court date this month so that the name we have chosen for baby boy will be his officially and forever! That is a Christmas present that far exceeds anything that I have been given. He will be 16 months old at that point and we will have had him for about 7 months. Definitely praying for that being my Christmas present this year - that's all I really need, that and daily small victories with baby girl :)
Heaven forbid that we have something that interrupts said schedule - like me having to run with all 3 kids the the WIC office tomorrow :). But never fear, we get all of those eating and sleeping times in each day - especially the eating. I am wishing a bit that it was light outside longer so that we could enjoy being outside more each day, but it is dark here by 5 pm so when the kids get up from their naps they don't have long to play outside.
I decided to make today's post a bit lighter after yesterdays. I did manage to get two of the kids to church today. Austin had a high fever last night so we decided to keep him home. I will admit that church with "twins" was a bit on the interesting and exhausting side for mommy. But we made it and I was refreshed to have time in church - even though I came home exhausted.
I have decorated the inside for Christmas mostly, no tree yet. Not sure when we will be attempting that. I put lights up on a huge wrought iron piece that I have above the table. And, my table, by the way, is a wonderful thing. We sold our round, glass topped, four chair bistro table, and bought a square, oak table with six chairs and a bench. Having space on the table for all of our meal times is WONDERFUL! Really :)
I'm learning how to work my schedule with three kids, learning that the laundry has to be done a lot more, dishes the same, and we are keeping our house far more orderly than we used to. I am enjoying that part! I have also figured out that doing my work for my job might as well not happen until the kids go to sleep because I don't get much accomplished. So later at night you will find me sitting on the couch working as quickly and efficiently as possible.
I am thankful for my three blessings. I am thankful for the lessons God is teaching me through this experience. I am learning to not be as me focused. And that isn't a bad thing. On a serious note, I have had a friend lose her baby recently, and reading her blog last night just made me remember how blessed I am, even if I am overwhelmed. She would probably wish to have screaming children and a dirty house. So I am going to be thankful. And today, like yesterday, I am celebrating the victories - I made it to church, all the way through church. We are getting a schedule figured out. I am focusing my expectations and zeroing in on priorities. I am thankful for things like tables, and nap times, and friends who redirect my thinking, for a husband who puts up with me and is a huge help. I'm thankful for Christmas lights and Christmas music. And that this year, for a time, God has blessed me with three blessings.
And I am praying that blessing number three (technically came at number two, but is the youngest, so now is three - confusing huh?) gets officially adopted this month. We have been finger printed and are praying those come back quickly. Then we will pray we can get a lawyer to get us a court date this month so that the name we have chosen for baby boy will be his officially and forever! That is a Christmas present that far exceeds anything that I have been given. He will be 16 months old at that point and we will have had him for about 7 months. Definitely praying for that being my Christmas present this year - that's all I really need, that and daily small victories with baby girl :)
Saturday, December 3, 2011
A Shower, Really? - A Huge Victory in Our House
I'm going to be brutally honest here. Not super, sappy spiritual, saying all the right things that a "Christian" should say. Forgive me and feel free not to continue reading if you so choose. This is just me, uttering my heart.
These past almost two weeks with three kids have been brutally difficult. First of all, simply learning to have three kids, all with different needs, all mobile, some with FAR more needs than others. Having the intrusion on social workers again. Yes, it is an intrusion sometimes, taking my life away, making me sit and wait and agonize over decisions made that I don't personally necessarily agree with. And mostly, a child who cries literally all day. Wow, I have never experienced it. But I will tell you, it wears on me. Emotionally, physically, spiritually - and unfortunately, I have gotten angry, at God for not making it easy on me this time, at my kids for not behaving, at myself for how I have responded. It's been ugly. And I've been guilty and I've been sad.
I've wondered if we made the right decision. But deep in my heart I know that this time may be meant only for ME to change. And today, I have had many revelations. One, I must treat this child as a baby, realizing that she has never been taught many things a baby has been taught. Expectations on my end must be lowered. It is all right that I am struggling. Many parents throughout time have had days that seemed endless, they have fought tears of frustration, but their children have grown up still as fine young people, and they miss the times when they were small (although maybe not the really hard times). I am also learning that it is fine if I need a break. If I need to run a quick errand while the kids are asleep at nap while my husband is home, and that helps me - then I need to go. I always feel like I have to be the one who is here. But other people are just as capable if not probably more capable than me. Probably most importantly, I have to trust in my God, not myself. Not easy for me. If I can't fix it, I don't want it to happen. I hate being so utterly helpless to fix the problems arising in my own household. Not the "Christian" answer of course, but true if I'm showing perfectly honest.
So in light of these things, I went out today by myself and had some time to think, had some time to change my views on how I am handling things. I'm the one that needs to change. And we have really had a breakthrough. A shower... Who would think of giving a tiny child a shower. Not me. I thought they always did baths. And bath time here has been not a pretty time. So today, I talked about rain showers and standing under them. And... there were no tears at the suggestion, no tears with the water on, no tears the WHOLE shower. Amazing. Really amazing. Thank you Lord for one segment of our day with no tears. Thank you, really, thank you!
Now, each step, each day, I'm going to be thankful for the victories. Those times where my children are all playing and not insisting on sitting with me. The times where there are no tears leading up to mealtime. The times when there are no tears when we go to leave the house, get to a store, have a new person in our home. I'm going to keep praying for times of calm. I'm going to pray for patience and kindness. I'm going to keep taking the breaks I need. I'm going to forgive myself for frustration and pray that I handle it right when I am frustrated. I'm going to realize that each day will get better, some may be worse, but we will all come out better for this. I'm going to grow and change and become a better person. I'm going to apologize for when I have not handled things correctly. I'm going to depend better on the Lord who blessed me with these kids. And I'm going to always be thankful for the small victories. A shower today was my victory!
These past almost two weeks with three kids have been brutally difficult. First of all, simply learning to have three kids, all with different needs, all mobile, some with FAR more needs than others. Having the intrusion on social workers again. Yes, it is an intrusion sometimes, taking my life away, making me sit and wait and agonize over decisions made that I don't personally necessarily agree with. And mostly, a child who cries literally all day. Wow, I have never experienced it. But I will tell you, it wears on me. Emotionally, physically, spiritually - and unfortunately, I have gotten angry, at God for not making it easy on me this time, at my kids for not behaving, at myself for how I have responded. It's been ugly. And I've been guilty and I've been sad.
I've wondered if we made the right decision. But deep in my heart I know that this time may be meant only for ME to change. And today, I have had many revelations. One, I must treat this child as a baby, realizing that she has never been taught many things a baby has been taught. Expectations on my end must be lowered. It is all right that I am struggling. Many parents throughout time have had days that seemed endless, they have fought tears of frustration, but their children have grown up still as fine young people, and they miss the times when they were small (although maybe not the really hard times). I am also learning that it is fine if I need a break. If I need to run a quick errand while the kids are asleep at nap while my husband is home, and that helps me - then I need to go. I always feel like I have to be the one who is here. But other people are just as capable if not probably more capable than me. Probably most importantly, I have to trust in my God, not myself. Not easy for me. If I can't fix it, I don't want it to happen. I hate being so utterly helpless to fix the problems arising in my own household. Not the "Christian" answer of course, but true if I'm showing perfectly honest.
So in light of these things, I went out today by myself and had some time to think, had some time to change my views on how I am handling things. I'm the one that needs to change. And we have really had a breakthrough. A shower... Who would think of giving a tiny child a shower. Not me. I thought they always did baths. And bath time here has been not a pretty time. So today, I talked about rain showers and standing under them. And... there were no tears at the suggestion, no tears with the water on, no tears the WHOLE shower. Amazing. Really amazing. Thank you Lord for one segment of our day with no tears. Thank you, really, thank you!
Now, each step, each day, I'm going to be thankful for the victories. Those times where my children are all playing and not insisting on sitting with me. The times where there are no tears leading up to mealtime. The times when there are no tears when we go to leave the house, get to a store, have a new person in our home. I'm going to keep praying for times of calm. I'm going to pray for patience and kindness. I'm going to keep taking the breaks I need. I'm going to forgive myself for frustration and pray that I handle it right when I am frustrated. I'm going to realize that each day will get better, some may be worse, but we will all come out better for this. I'm going to grow and change and become a better person. I'm going to apologize for when I have not handled things correctly. I'm going to depend better on the Lord who blessed me with these kids. And I'm going to always be thankful for the small victories. A shower today was my victory!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Ordered, no. Chaotic, yes. Still - very blessed
"As you know for many of the events in my life I'd made plans and barreled toward what I wanted. But I felt like I was making that journey one little step at a time walking each step God showed me to walk, not taking matters into my own hands and churning towards where I wanted to go. I didn't know where I wanted to go. I was conflicted and chose to believe that being conflicted was right where I needed to be in order for my faith to be put into actions." Page 82, "Choosing to SEE" Mary Beth Chapman
Sometimes "conflicted" is a good word to use for what my life is like right now. On one hand, I am thankful for where we are; on another hand, I am quite overwhelmed with three children three years old and under - with essentially twins, two children, aged one year. My blood pressure at the doctor's office today was 30 points over where it normally sits - at perfectly normal. And I realized that yes, I am very stressed out at the moment. But my God is still in control.
My perfectly controlled life is spiraling out of control. I have no idea what tomorrow holds. And I have no way of knowing. I can't take matters into my own hands, because I have absolutely no control. Kind of a hard place for a control freak to come. I have no control. Saying that to myself over and over really has no ring to it. Not what I want to say or even think for that matter. Yet it is where God has brought me.
And it is good. Good? How? I have three precious blessings from God. Yes, they do make my ordered life chaotic. There are very difficult moments in these days. But here I am, a woman who thought she would never have children, and God has let me touch these little lives each and every day. And it is coming up on Christmas. We celebrate Jesus birth with three little ones - special little ones that God chose specifically for us this year. What an amazing blessing. Yes things aren't always easy, but I am blessed.
And I can choose how I handle it. I can be mad that my "path" I had chosen or thought out for myself if totally different. Even two weeks ago, I had thought that our next child would be about two years away. God has taken us on a different path. And it is His path, and it is a good path. And I am walking in His light, because I can't see the end of this path. But His way is the best way. I have to trust that. If I don't, then I am overwhelmed, can't breathe, can't see, and am frustrated.
Reading this book that I referenced has opened my eyes. God orders my steps, no matter how difficult. He has a path pre-planned. I can choose to complain, or I can be thankful. I want to choose to be thankful. Also, reading this book has shown me with time in our lives is precious. Each moment needs to be special, even the difficult ones. We have no idea when we may breathe our last, when our children may, or when they may no longer live with us (possibly likely in our scenarios). Even the difficult moments in our lives right now are moments that we have actually prayed for - literally prayed for in this case. And I need to be thankful. I am praying over our children today, praying that I can be the mother they need, that they can feel love and peace in our home, that they will come to know Jesus, that they will be calm in situations where fear doesn't need to be present, that they see Jesus in us. That isn't always true of me. And that makes me sad. I want badly to be the mother that these children haven't had the privilege of having. I am blessed to be the mother of three precious gifts. And hard times or not, I am still blessed. I am thankful for something as small as a book to bring this back to the forefront of my mind.
Sometimes "conflicted" is a good word to use for what my life is like right now. On one hand, I am thankful for where we are; on another hand, I am quite overwhelmed with three children three years old and under - with essentially twins, two children, aged one year. My blood pressure at the doctor's office today was 30 points over where it normally sits - at perfectly normal. And I realized that yes, I am very stressed out at the moment. But my God is still in control.
My perfectly controlled life is spiraling out of control. I have no idea what tomorrow holds. And I have no way of knowing. I can't take matters into my own hands, because I have absolutely no control. Kind of a hard place for a control freak to come. I have no control. Saying that to myself over and over really has no ring to it. Not what I want to say or even think for that matter. Yet it is where God has brought me.
And it is good. Good? How? I have three precious blessings from God. Yes, they do make my ordered life chaotic. There are very difficult moments in these days. But here I am, a woman who thought she would never have children, and God has let me touch these little lives each and every day. And it is coming up on Christmas. We celebrate Jesus birth with three little ones - special little ones that God chose specifically for us this year. What an amazing blessing. Yes things aren't always easy, but I am blessed.
And I can choose how I handle it. I can be mad that my "path" I had chosen or thought out for myself if totally different. Even two weeks ago, I had thought that our next child would be about two years away. God has taken us on a different path. And it is His path, and it is a good path. And I am walking in His light, because I can't see the end of this path. But His way is the best way. I have to trust that. If I don't, then I am overwhelmed, can't breathe, can't see, and am frustrated.
Reading this book that I referenced has opened my eyes. God orders my steps, no matter how difficult. He has a path pre-planned. I can choose to complain, or I can be thankful. I want to choose to be thankful. Also, reading this book has shown me with time in our lives is precious. Each moment needs to be special, even the difficult ones. We have no idea when we may breathe our last, when our children may, or when they may no longer live with us (possibly likely in our scenarios). Even the difficult moments in our lives right now are moments that we have actually prayed for - literally prayed for in this case. And I need to be thankful. I am praying over our children today, praying that I can be the mother they need, that they can feel love and peace in our home, that they will come to know Jesus, that they will be calm in situations where fear doesn't need to be present, that they see Jesus in us. That isn't always true of me. And that makes me sad. I want badly to be the mother that these children haven't had the privilege of having. I am blessed to be the mother of three precious gifts. And hard times or not, I am still blessed. I am thankful for something as small as a book to bring this back to the forefront of my mind.
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