Today has been a good day in the adoption realm. It makes the rough days of the past couple months totally worth it. We have been waiting to hear the news that our baby will for sure be part of our family forever. And today we got that news. By this time next week everything should be totally secure for our adoption. Florida law says that we have to have the children in our home for three months before we can actually go to court and officially adopt any child. But after next week it will just be a waiting game with no risk attached. For that, we are truly thankful! By September we should have our court date and be able to change our baby's last name to ours - so that he too will have all the rights, responsibilities and privileges of a child born to us.
This week has been a bit easier for me. I have come to accept the changes in our household and try to embrace them. Austin is doing so much better. We still have the normal (or maybe abnormal, I'm not sure) growing pains of a child adjusting to a sibling. But for the most part he is learning to love and appreciate his brother. I was watching them play together today and I just felt pure joy knowing that God has blessed us so tremendously with wonderful, beautiful children.
As my husband so aptly put... "I can't help but sense the significance of Jeremiah's name. He's been through so much in his young life, and- while Laura Kreitler and I are by no means perfect- it's so exciting to be a part of God's grace toward him... to replace evil and fear with peace, hope, and a future."
The things our children have been through just makes my heart break. And I am so happy that we have been blessed by God to be the ones to shape them for eternity, to point them to Jesus, and show them the Way to have eternal life. What a blessing!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Looking Forward
I have decided to have a new outlook on life this week. I am still feeling a bit sad because of our little girl leaving. But I know that this is what God had for us. He taught us many lessons through that time. And I hope that we were able to impact her for eternity. We actually bought her a "Jesus Storybook Bible" and sent it with her hoping that maybe we will even impact her caregivers if they choose to read it to her. I hope she is doing ok. We haven't heard. But now, because this is the way life it, I must move on and choose to have Joy!
I have much to be thankful for. We have two wonderful boys. We were able to get the baby into his new room and everything is settled. He is sleeping so much better at night, and I am so thankful for that too. I got my small taste of newborn sleepless nights, and I must say, maybe everyone is right that says I should be glad I missed them :). It doesn't mean I don't hope for a newborn still, but I am thankful for sleep now!
I was reflecting on all that the baby has gone through. It is amazing that he is doing so well. When we adopted Austin, we visited him every night for three weeks with two overnight visits before he came home to live. The baby just came home. One minute he was with someone else, the next minute he was with us. It has been somewhat of an adjustment for him. He is just now beginning to come to us to be comforted - originally he just sat on the floor and cried. Austin actually regressed some when he moved. He was walking and then he quit for four months. The baby has actually taken steps and hasn't shown any signs of regression. We are so thankful for that. He has his first tooth and is working on the second too!
Austin's little personality has returned. We hadn't realized how different he had become. Life was very difficult for him during all of the transitions. He is becoming acclimated to the baby and doing really very well.
I am thankful for my family, and for those who have supported us during this time. I got a card in the mail from one of my best friends on Saturday. It was just the thing I needed to cheer me. I appreciate the prayer support and love we have received.
We are a family of four! And I am thankful for that! I don't know what God has in our future, but I know that for today, I want to be joyful thanking God for what He has blessed us with today, not looking back, but looking forward.
I have much to be thankful for. We have two wonderful boys. We were able to get the baby into his new room and everything is settled. He is sleeping so much better at night, and I am so thankful for that too. I got my small taste of newborn sleepless nights, and I must say, maybe everyone is right that says I should be glad I missed them :). It doesn't mean I don't hope for a newborn still, but I am thankful for sleep now!
I was reflecting on all that the baby has gone through. It is amazing that he is doing so well. When we adopted Austin, we visited him every night for three weeks with two overnight visits before he came home to live. The baby just came home. One minute he was with someone else, the next minute he was with us. It has been somewhat of an adjustment for him. He is just now beginning to come to us to be comforted - originally he just sat on the floor and cried. Austin actually regressed some when he moved. He was walking and then he quit for four months. The baby has actually taken steps and hasn't shown any signs of regression. We are so thankful for that. He has his first tooth and is working on the second too!
Austin's little personality has returned. We hadn't realized how different he had become. Life was very difficult for him during all of the transitions. He is becoming acclimated to the baby and doing really very well.
I am thankful for my family, and for those who have supported us during this time. I got a card in the mail from one of my best friends on Saturday. It was just the thing I needed to cheer me. I appreciate the prayer support and love we have received.
We are a family of four! And I am thankful for that! I don't know what God has in our future, but I know that for today, I want to be joyful thanking God for what He has blessed us with today, not looking back, but looking forward.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Rearranging Furniture
Today we are going to rearrange the furniture in the guest room to make it into the baby's room/guest room. It was where our little girl was sleeping. Now almost a week after she left, it is time to give the baby his own room. It is a bittersweet moment. I will be glad for him to have his own room. I'm hoping he starts sleeping better. He has been waking up a lot throughout the night every night. But it is sad that our little girl isn't there anymore. We haven't heard how she is doing. But I pray for her as I think of her throughout the day.
(My dad has been here this week, so that is why we are just now moving the baby into his own room. We have been glad for him being here providing us with things to think about other than losing our little girl).
Rearranging the furniture signifies moving on with our lives. We played a role in our little girl's life. And I hope that one day we will see her again, whether in this life or in Heaven.
I have been concentrating on being thankful for my boys this week. I am so thankful that God has given them to me forever! How precious it is to have children through adoption. I am enjoying the time with them, watching them interact together as brothers. This is our life for probably the next couple of years until we decide to pursue baby number three. And I am enjoying it as it is trying not to wish back the things that I can't change. God has given us two precious boys and gave us the opportunity to love a little girl for a short time. We are blessed!
(My dad has been here this week, so that is why we are just now moving the baby into his own room. We have been glad for him being here providing us with things to think about other than losing our little girl).
Rearranging the furniture signifies moving on with our lives. We played a role in our little girl's life. And I hope that one day we will see her again, whether in this life or in Heaven.
I have been concentrating on being thankful for my boys this week. I am so thankful that God has given them to me forever! How precious it is to have children through adoption. I am enjoying the time with them, watching them interact together as brothers. This is our life for probably the next couple of years until we decide to pursue baby number three. And I am enjoying it as it is trying not to wish back the things that I can't change. God has given us two precious boys and gave us the opportunity to love a little girl for a short time. We are blessed!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Adjusting Yet Again to Another New Normal
I feel like I have gone through major adjustments a lot in the past few weeks. And I suppose it is true, I have - as has my family, especially my precious Austin. Yet again, we are adjusting to what I hope is our normal for at least a couple years.
Our little girl left yesterday. She was so scared. But she walked out the door with barely a goodbye. I think it is easier to be stoic. I wish I could be. I feel a bit more sad today than I even did yesterday. It's just overwhelming to be wondering where she is, how she is adjusting, are they being kind to her, are they holding her and loving her?
Austin has done pretty well with the change. My dad is here which has helped a lot. It gives us all something different to do this week and something different to focus on. And best news of all, our little boy is back. His personality and outgoing spirit that we love so much - all the smiles and laughs - are back. I realize how hard things have been for him and that breaks my heart too.
My husband has been through a lot too. I know I am not myself right now. I am cranky and irritable. And I want you all to know that he has been a saint through it all. I know that he is hurting too.
We are going to only have two children for a while. We aren't going to take foster children anymore. We need to adjust to the children that we have right now. Our baby is adjusting well, but we don't need to interrupt his adjustment anymore for the moment. I'm thinking that we might even wait for 2 years or so before trying for another adopted child. I want some time with just my boys.
We have learned a lot through this process and hopefully we made a difference in a little girl's life. But we are ready to have a "normal" for a while. Hopefully my posts will get a little lighter from now on.
Our little girl left yesterday. She was so scared. But she walked out the door with barely a goodbye. I think it is easier to be stoic. I wish I could be. I feel a bit more sad today than I even did yesterday. It's just overwhelming to be wondering where she is, how she is adjusting, are they being kind to her, are they holding her and loving her?
Austin has done pretty well with the change. My dad is here which has helped a lot. It gives us all something different to do this week and something different to focus on. And best news of all, our little boy is back. His personality and outgoing spirit that we love so much - all the smiles and laughs - are back. I realize how hard things have been for him and that breaks my heart too.
My husband has been through a lot too. I know I am not myself right now. I am cranky and irritable. And I want you all to know that he has been a saint through it all. I know that he is hurting too.
We are going to only have two children for a while. We aren't going to take foster children anymore. We need to adjust to the children that we have right now. Our baby is adjusting well, but we don't need to interrupt his adjustment anymore for the moment. I'm thinking that we might even wait for 2 years or so before trying for another adopted child. I want some time with just my boys.
We have learned a lot through this process and hopefully we made a difference in a little girl's life. But we are ready to have a "normal" for a while. Hopefully my posts will get a little lighter from now on.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
An End to this Journey
It's hard to even put into words the range of feelings that have entered my mind this week... We weren't going to tell our little girl that she had to leave until today, but one of the investigators did on Friday. She has been acting out horribly since then. She said she didn't like it here anyway and wanted to leave, she wouldn't miss me at all, and didn't love me. It has been hard to hear... And I think she pulled away from me as much as maybe I have pulled away from her to guard my heart...
She has been so defiant, not wanting to obey, and I'll be honest, that is hard to take, but tonight I found out why she has been behaving this way, and that is even more sad... She is so terrified to have to leave. She has grown comfortable with me, even with things that she was loathe to have me help her with at the beginning. And now, they tell her that "She will be ok, but she has to go." She kept repeating it like a mantra - obviously what they said to her when they told her (They made me leave the room.)
Tonight, she didn't want to sleep. I ended up sitting on the floor in her room holding her while she cried - and I was crying too... She kept saying she would leave but she would come back. And the sad truth is in all likelihood, she won't ever be back. She has settled in here and now she is being ripped out. She repeated the story over and over of the last time she moved. She is just so petrified of going to yet someone else that she doesn't know. And we don't even think we will be allowed to make contact with her.
We have been talking to her about God, Jesus, Sin, God's love, ect. Teaching her Bible songs, teaching her to pray, anything we can to get Bible in her in a short time. She knows so many songs. And she is the first one to mention that we need to pray before we eat. Tonight I explained salvation to her. I asked her if she knew she had done bad things. She said she did. I explained that Jesus died and rose again so that she could go to Heaven someday and that Jesus would live in her heart. I told her the she could talk to Him anytime, when she was sad, scared, happy, anything. She prayed a prayer with me. I'm praying that it was a decision that she truly understood. I pray that one day we will see her again in Heaven.
I pray that we have made a difference. We haven't done everything right during this time. Our humanness totally has gotten in the way at times. But I hope she leaves knowing she was loved. She is definitely taking a piece of my heart with her... She told me I would be ok because I still have Austin, and while that is true, I'm so concerned about her that she doesn't even realize the piece of my heart that will be hers for a very long time if not forever. You can't mother a child totally and just watch them walk away never to return without deep grief.
She has been so defiant, not wanting to obey, and I'll be honest, that is hard to take, but tonight I found out why she has been behaving this way, and that is even more sad... She is so terrified to have to leave. She has grown comfortable with me, even with things that she was loathe to have me help her with at the beginning. And now, they tell her that "She will be ok, but she has to go." She kept repeating it like a mantra - obviously what they said to her when they told her (They made me leave the room.)
Tonight, she didn't want to sleep. I ended up sitting on the floor in her room holding her while she cried - and I was crying too... She kept saying she would leave but she would come back. And the sad truth is in all likelihood, she won't ever be back. She has settled in here and now she is being ripped out. She repeated the story over and over of the last time she moved. She is just so petrified of going to yet someone else that she doesn't know. And we don't even think we will be allowed to make contact with her.
We have been talking to her about God, Jesus, Sin, God's love, ect. Teaching her Bible songs, teaching her to pray, anything we can to get Bible in her in a short time. She knows so many songs. And she is the first one to mention that we need to pray before we eat. Tonight I explained salvation to her. I asked her if she knew she had done bad things. She said she did. I explained that Jesus died and rose again so that she could go to Heaven someday and that Jesus would live in her heart. I told her the she could talk to Him anytime, when she was sad, scared, happy, anything. She prayed a prayer with me. I'm praying that it was a decision that she truly understood. I pray that one day we will see her again in Heaven.
I pray that we have made a difference. We haven't done everything right during this time. Our humanness totally has gotten in the way at times. But I hope she leaves knowing she was loved. She is definitely taking a piece of my heart with her... She told me I would be ok because I still have Austin, and while that is true, I'm so concerned about her that she doesn't even realize the piece of my heart that will be hers for a very long time if not forever. You can't mother a child totally and just watch them walk away never to return without deep grief.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Special Times
Several people have mentioned that my blog posts have seemed a bit depressed of late - and it is probably true. Losing a child is one of the hardest things I have ever done... And the human side of me is pulling away from her. I don't want to cuddle as much, I don't want to buy special things for her, ect... That makes me sad too, what a horrible human response. It is my emotional way of trying to steel myself for what is ahead. Because I realize I want to do it, I am attempting to do the opposite meaning I am trying to give her love, buy her things that might help her in her life ahead, ect. Please keep praying for us though... This week long grieving process with her still with us has felt like an eternity. If they insist on doing this, we are just ready for it to happen and for us to be able to grieve and move on... I tend to always feel this way, if bad things are coming - especially like goodbyes - I prefer to just get them over with. Another horrible human response to sad things.
On a happy note, I have been bonding with our baby more and more. It is a special time. Most people do that when their baby is hours old not months, but I am just thankful that he seems to be bonding well. He is a mommy's baby, which is kind of fun. Austin is definitely a daddy's boy. He loves me, but prefers my husband over me when he is sick, tired, hurt, even happy. So to have a little boy who wants me is special.
I have also gotten to spend a little time today with just my boys together. And it is so sweet and special. I was feeding the baby and Austin crawled up on my lap and we all sat there together. I cherish these times, thanking God for blessing us with children.
We are all sick right now, which has made for an interesting day. Austin has asthma and has a tendency towards respiratory illnesses that end in croup. So I am praying that isn't the case this time. I have a steroid prescription handy just in case it gets bad. And the baby has a cold too - and he is teething, so it seems worse than it might be.
I experienced my first up all night experience with a baby last night. He was up at 2, 4, and totally awake for the day at 6 this morning... So I have gotten my taste of a "sleepless" night. I love the time cuddling him though, but I admit that I am running on fumes this morning - and I'm not feeling well either, so that doesn't help.
Life is full of ups and downs and I think right now we are experiencing both - losing a child and gaining one at the same time. I thank God for bringing us the baby to ease the loss of our little girl. He knows and His ways are perfect, and I am thankful for that.
On a happy note, I have been bonding with our baby more and more. It is a special time. Most people do that when their baby is hours old not months, but I am just thankful that he seems to be bonding well. He is a mommy's baby, which is kind of fun. Austin is definitely a daddy's boy. He loves me, but prefers my husband over me when he is sick, tired, hurt, even happy. So to have a little boy who wants me is special.
I have also gotten to spend a little time today with just my boys together. And it is so sweet and special. I was feeding the baby and Austin crawled up on my lap and we all sat there together. I cherish these times, thanking God for blessing us with children.
We are all sick right now, which has made for an interesting day. Austin has asthma and has a tendency towards respiratory illnesses that end in croup. So I am praying that isn't the case this time. I have a steroid prescription handy just in case it gets bad. And the baby has a cold too - and he is teething, so it seems worse than it might be.
I experienced my first up all night experience with a baby last night. He was up at 2, 4, and totally awake for the day at 6 this morning... So I have gotten my taste of a "sleepless" night. I love the time cuddling him though, but I admit that I am running on fumes this morning - and I'm not feeling well either, so that doesn't help.
Life is full of ups and downs and I think right now we are experiencing both - losing a child and gaining one at the same time. I thank God for bringing us the baby to ease the loss of our little girl. He knows and His ways are perfect, and I am thankful for that.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Love for Our Children
As the days wear on towards the day the we lose our little girl, I am trying to stay happy and positive. I haven't had the heart to tell her yet... I think she will honestly be fine with the change. She hasn't really bonded with us much - probably due to not bonding well as a baby with anyone. It is a normal phenomenon with kids who have been brought up in bad situations. I have determined to pray often for her - and maybe even write her a letter that will stay with her for her to read sometime in the future - to remember that someone loved her and to tell her of Jesus love.
I do think going back to two will be easier for me. My health is much better than it was at this time last year even, but having three kids under three years old has worn on me quite a bit. I am also trying to look forward to giving the baby a nursery. And more importantly having him out our room! I have enjoyed it for a time having him in our room having never experienced that before, but as a light sleeper, I think I will do better with him in his own room. And then we will have a true place for him forged in our home and our family.
I am also interested to see how Austin will do actually being in big brother role instead of middle child role. It has been difficult for him to be a younger brother. He and our little girl haven't meshed well for multiple reasons. They are doing far better than they were a few weeks ago. And I truly think he will miss her. I don't know how you explain to your son that the person who has been here for weeks won't be coming back. It is quite sad.
I am glad to know that God knows where she will be a few years from now. He knows what turns her life will take. And He knows what small part we have played in her life.
I am so appreciative of everyone who is praying for us and has been an encouragement to us during this time. I am so thankful - even more so now - for the family and the children God has given me forever. There are many people who I know that are adopting. And it is such a bond that I can have with them.
I have thought a little bit over the past few days how sad I am sometimes to not have gone through a pregnancy, even labor, having a newborn, even the lack of sleep, ect. I do wish I could have had that experience. But I can't - and I won't - ever. But God has blessed me anyway, in a greater way. I got to CHOOSE my children. And I love them as much as if I had them myself. I am thankful that there are ways for those who can't bear children to still have them. It is a blessing from God! And I am thankful!
I do think going back to two will be easier for me. My health is much better than it was at this time last year even, but having three kids under three years old has worn on me quite a bit. I am also trying to look forward to giving the baby a nursery. And more importantly having him out our room! I have enjoyed it for a time having him in our room having never experienced that before, but as a light sleeper, I think I will do better with him in his own room. And then we will have a true place for him forged in our home and our family.
I am also interested to see how Austin will do actually being in big brother role instead of middle child role. It has been difficult for him to be a younger brother. He and our little girl haven't meshed well for multiple reasons. They are doing far better than they were a few weeks ago. And I truly think he will miss her. I don't know how you explain to your son that the person who has been here for weeks won't be coming back. It is quite sad.
I am glad to know that God knows where she will be a few years from now. He knows what turns her life will take. And He knows what small part we have played in her life.
I am so appreciative of everyone who is praying for us and has been an encouragement to us during this time. I am so thankful - even more so now - for the family and the children God has given me forever. There are many people who I know that are adopting. And it is such a bond that I can have with them.
I have thought a little bit over the past few days how sad I am sometimes to not have gone through a pregnancy, even labor, having a newborn, even the lack of sleep, ect. I do wish I could have had that experience. But I can't - and I won't - ever. But God has blessed me anyway, in a greater way. I got to CHOOSE my children. And I love them as much as if I had them myself. I am thankful that there are ways for those who can't bear children to still have them. It is a blessing from God! And I am thankful!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Extreme Sadness - A Child Leaving
I knew this day would come, and I was dreading it... And unfortunately my suspicious were right, it is horrible. I have been crying all morning. Our daughter is being moved next Monday morning, and there is nothing we can do to change it.
There have been times during this process where I have wondered if going back to two kids would be best for me. And honestly it probably will be. But when it comes right down to it. I am so sad, I can hardly even breathe.
I know God is in control and will watch over this precious child. But the control freak in me wants me to be the one to watch over her. She has had such a hard life and I'm so afraid that the move is going to be very hard for her. Children are resilient and I know she will ultimately be ok. But wow, it hurts.
This foster experience has been kind of rough, I'll be honest. But how do you love a child as your own and send them away? I thought I could do it and be fine, but I can't. I'm not fine. It hurts my very soul!
Please just pray for us in the coming week and the days after she leaves. I will miss her with all of my heart. But I am thankful for the six weeks that God gave us. I hope she remembers that there is love in the world and that not everything in life is bad.
There have been times during this process where I have wondered if going back to two kids would be best for me. And honestly it probably will be. But when it comes right down to it. I am so sad, I can hardly even breathe.
I know God is in control and will watch over this precious child. But the control freak in me wants me to be the one to watch over her. She has had such a hard life and I'm so afraid that the move is going to be very hard for her. Children are resilient and I know she will ultimately be ok. But wow, it hurts.
This foster experience has been kind of rough, I'll be honest. But how do you love a child as your own and send them away? I thought I could do it and be fine, but I can't. I'm not fine. It hurts my very soul!
Please just pray for us in the coming week and the days after she leaves. I will miss her with all of my heart. But I am thankful for the six weeks that God gave us. I hope she remembers that there is love in the world and that not everything in life is bad.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Reflections of Fun memories
I wanted to write some enjoyable things down that have happened the last few days with all the kids...
Austin is potty training - heavily. We have tried on and off but things have come up and I have quit... So we decided just to work on it with straight underwear. We bought Thomas the Tank Engine underwear, and while he still doesn't fully understand when he needs to go, he is doing well overall... He was in the bathroom earlier and wanted some toilet paper (even though I know boys don't use it :). He told me that he was "brushing" himself instead of wiping :). He has become a lot more independent in wanting to try to dress and undress himself too... I know some of you probably don't care about these potty training stories, but as such, they are part of my life right now, so...
Our baby is cutting his first tooth. And he is so pleasant. He smiles and giggles even though he feels a bit warm and is probably in pain. He has the biggest poochy lip ever! It is almost too funny for words. I tell him no and that lip comes out so fast. He is ten months old today already! We bought him a jumper that he can sit in and jump and it has toys on it. He is quite happy in there and it puts him on the other kids levels!
Our daughter is showing signs of really settling in and doing much better. I have instituted a marble system for good behavior. If they are good, they get marbles (that are in a glass jar so they can see them) and when the jar gets filled up, then they get to choose dinner, or dessert, or something fun to do as a family. Her jar got filled last night. She was so very excited! We had chicken for lunch at her request! (And rice krispie treats at Austins since his jar was full too)
On a note about foster care - please do pray if you read this. There is quite a large situation occurring and we need prayer regarding what happens. We have gotten the world's most wonderful social worker. She is new and really honestly cares about kids. We haven't found that too much. I guess you see so many bad things, it is easy to get jaded and just do your job without feeling. We are thankful for her though and how helpful she has been. We just need prayer in the days ahead.
We went to Walmart today with all three kids! It was almost comical. We got two carts so each kid could ride somewhere and we ended up putting quite a bit in both carts. Three kids makes for way more clothing needs, groceries, diapers, ect.
It is true that you take far more pictures with your first child than with the rest. We haven't taken nearly as many this time around. So I am working on that. I want to remember these days and capture the memories. While I have been rather overwhelmed, I am so thankful for the blessing of my children. And I know that they will be grown in the blink of an eye. So I want to remember all these fun moments from their childhoods.
Austin is potty training - heavily. We have tried on and off but things have come up and I have quit... So we decided just to work on it with straight underwear. We bought Thomas the Tank Engine underwear, and while he still doesn't fully understand when he needs to go, he is doing well overall... He was in the bathroom earlier and wanted some toilet paper (even though I know boys don't use it :). He told me that he was "brushing" himself instead of wiping :). He has become a lot more independent in wanting to try to dress and undress himself too... I know some of you probably don't care about these potty training stories, but as such, they are part of my life right now, so...
Our baby is cutting his first tooth. And he is so pleasant. He smiles and giggles even though he feels a bit warm and is probably in pain. He has the biggest poochy lip ever! It is almost too funny for words. I tell him no and that lip comes out so fast. He is ten months old today already! We bought him a jumper that he can sit in and jump and it has toys on it. He is quite happy in there and it puts him on the other kids levels!
Our daughter is showing signs of really settling in and doing much better. I have instituted a marble system for good behavior. If they are good, they get marbles (that are in a glass jar so they can see them) and when the jar gets filled up, then they get to choose dinner, or dessert, or something fun to do as a family. Her jar got filled last night. She was so very excited! We had chicken for lunch at her request! (And rice krispie treats at Austins since his jar was full too)
On a note about foster care - please do pray if you read this. There is quite a large situation occurring and we need prayer regarding what happens. We have gotten the world's most wonderful social worker. She is new and really honestly cares about kids. We haven't found that too much. I guess you see so many bad things, it is easy to get jaded and just do your job without feeling. We are thankful for her though and how helpful she has been. We just need prayer in the days ahead.
We went to Walmart today with all three kids! It was almost comical. We got two carts so each kid could ride somewhere and we ended up putting quite a bit in both carts. Three kids makes for way more clothing needs, groceries, diapers, ect.
It is true that you take far more pictures with your first child than with the rest. We haven't taken nearly as many this time around. So I am working on that. I want to remember these days and capture the memories. While I have been rather overwhelmed, I am so thankful for the blessing of my children. And I know that they will be grown in the blink of an eye. So I want to remember all these fun moments from their childhoods.
Friday, June 10, 2011
A Bit Overwhelmed
Today is my first day at home with all three kids by myself... It has been interesting. I am struggling with utter exhaustion. Some of it is normal for me, but adding two kids to my mix and still trying to work full time and missing a lot of sleep from traveling this week has made me really lacking in the sleep area. I am also being tested for a specific autoimmune disease that might explain the extra fatigue that I am feeling.
Having a baby again is very enjoyable, but it does add another dimension to my life... I really do love babies. And Jeremiah is such a good baby. He really only cries when he is hungry or tired... And he loves to play on the floor even by himself! He is teething and I wouldn't have even known it except that the tooth popped through.
Our daughter is doing well... We got a new social worker which has been very, very nice. She has been very helpful and has listened to all my concerns. It is so hard to be attached and know she has to leave. I have such mixed feelings about her leaving. I love her. And I am worried that the next placement isn't the best thing for her even though I really don't have a say in it. But I also realize that maybe having only two kids is best for me right now, my state of mind, and honestly my health situation.
Working full time adds a whole different dimension to having children. I don't know how people work outside of their homes. I am so blessed to be able to work at home and even at night if and when I need to.
Austin is doing ok. He is missing life the way it was. But that is normal. I think he likes the idea of being an older brother. But he isn't so sure about this small new creature in his space using his things and even wearing his old clothes. Austin is a social person though, he loves people. So I think he will adjust really, really well in time. I am concerned with how he will react if our daughter has to leave. I think he might actually miss her
Children are a blessing from God no matter how little time you have with them. It is just very hard to have to give them up... But they are God's and He loves even a sparrow that falls. So I know He will care for my kids whether they are in my home or somewhere else.
Having a baby again is very enjoyable, but it does add another dimension to my life... I really do love babies. And Jeremiah is such a good baby. He really only cries when he is hungry or tired... And he loves to play on the floor even by himself! He is teething and I wouldn't have even known it except that the tooth popped through.
Our daughter is doing well... We got a new social worker which has been very, very nice. She has been very helpful and has listened to all my concerns. It is so hard to be attached and know she has to leave. I have such mixed feelings about her leaving. I love her. And I am worried that the next placement isn't the best thing for her even though I really don't have a say in it. But I also realize that maybe having only two kids is best for me right now, my state of mind, and honestly my health situation.
Working full time adds a whole different dimension to having children. I don't know how people work outside of their homes. I am so blessed to be able to work at home and even at night if and when I need to.
Austin is doing ok. He is missing life the way it was. But that is normal. I think he likes the idea of being an older brother. But he isn't so sure about this small new creature in his space using his things and even wearing his old clothes. Austin is a social person though, he loves people. So I think he will adjust really, really well in time. I am concerned with how he will react if our daughter has to leave. I think he might actually miss her
Children are a blessing from God no matter how little time you have with them. It is just very hard to have to give them up... But they are God's and He loves even a sparrow that falls. So I know He will care for my kids whether they are in my home or somewhere else.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Adjustments
We spent the last week and a half in Ohio with my family. It was such a wonderful time for me. I always enjoy spending time with family, but this time having help with three little ones was very nice as well! At least the adults outnumbered the kids for a while.
We drove all day and most of the night last night to get back home. We got in about 2:30 am and our baby was up at 6:30 am ready for his day!
It is an adjustment for me to have a baby again. When we got Austin, he was eating mostly table food and sleeping all through the night. This baby is still very much on formula and wakes up some in the night. But he is such a wonderful happy baby!
We did find out today that our daughter will most likely leave us within the next two weeks. I am sitting here having really mixed feelings about that news. It has been a difficult time both with her and with working with the agency. I think for us, it is better to be able to just have kids that we can raise as our own, with our values and our own ways of disciplining. Having people in and out of your home, never really telling you anything yet expecting you to parent, ect. just isn't a very easy way to live.
It looks like the next two weeks will be full of adjustments, one to having a baby, and to possibly dealing with the feelings of loss for another child. You worry about your kids no matter how long you have had them. You worry how they will be treated, will they get the help they need, will their new families teach them about Jesus - which is the most important question.
But God knows what is best for us and for her. So I just have to rely on Him fully. It is interesting realizing that change is coming, you find yourself trying to prepare emotionally for it, and that is a rather difficult thing to do in reality.
We drove all day and most of the night last night to get back home. We got in about 2:30 am and our baby was up at 6:30 am ready for his day!
It is an adjustment for me to have a baby again. When we got Austin, he was eating mostly table food and sleeping all through the night. This baby is still very much on formula and wakes up some in the night. But he is such a wonderful happy baby!
We did find out today that our daughter will most likely leave us within the next two weeks. I am sitting here having really mixed feelings about that news. It has been a difficult time both with her and with working with the agency. I think for us, it is better to be able to just have kids that we can raise as our own, with our values and our own ways of disciplining. Having people in and out of your home, never really telling you anything yet expecting you to parent, ect. just isn't a very easy way to live.
It looks like the next two weeks will be full of adjustments, one to having a baby, and to possibly dealing with the feelings of loss for another child. You worry about your kids no matter how long you have had them. You worry how they will be treated, will they get the help they need, will their new families teach them about Jesus - which is the most important question.
But God knows what is best for us and for her. So I just have to rely on Him fully. It is interesting realizing that change is coming, you find yourself trying to prepare emotionally for it, and that is a rather difficult thing to do in reality.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Mommy to Three for a time
I am finding out that being a mommy to three kids is kind of crazy! Literally - especially when they are all three years old and under... I am beginning to see the wisdom in spacing your kids out a bit LOL!
We have been so blessed to have had help from my family for the first full week of having three kids. It helps to have adults outnumber children - since generally with two parents and three kids that isn't the case.
We plan on leaving Ohio in the next couple days though, so we will be back to being on our own. We are not sure how long we will remain a family of five though. It seems that we may be changing back into a family of four.
For those who are wondering, that comes with mixed feelings. Being a foster family, you are aware that you could only have children for a time. So it doesn't come as a shock, but there are definitely feelings of concern for the next stops in the children's lives, how they will grow and develop, will anyone keep teaching them about Jesus, ect.
Honestly, I think that having some time as a mommy of two kids before number three comes along might be a better plan for me. I am truthfully a bit overwhelmed with three tiny ones to care for. But I really do love being a mommy, and I am thankful for the children God has entrusted to us, even if it is for a very short time.
We are learning a lot about parenting. It seems when you have one child, you can let a lot of discipline issues go because they don't affect you as much as they do when more kids are in the picture. So we are beefing up our teaching on immediate obedience especially. But we have been blessed with wonderful kids who really respond well to training.
We are thinking for now, if we go back down to two kids that we are going to stay that way for a while. When our foster license comes up for renewal, we may go ahead and renew just for legal risk adoption. We aren't sure that we want to foster anymore - unless the children are far smaller than Austin. We have realized that it is very important to monitor the possible things that enter your home that can have a profound effect on your present children.
We think that maybe when our kids are grown, we will invest in spending our lives with foster children. We will have the experience and the time. Right now, we have neither. We are hoping for more children in the future, but it seems fine with me to only have two for the present - if things change. And we don't want to spend the money for a mini-van just yet ;)
We have been so blessed to have had help from my family for the first full week of having three kids. It helps to have adults outnumber children - since generally with two parents and three kids that isn't the case.
We plan on leaving Ohio in the next couple days though, so we will be back to being on our own. We are not sure how long we will remain a family of five though. It seems that we may be changing back into a family of four.
For those who are wondering, that comes with mixed feelings. Being a foster family, you are aware that you could only have children for a time. So it doesn't come as a shock, but there are definitely feelings of concern for the next stops in the children's lives, how they will grow and develop, will anyone keep teaching them about Jesus, ect.
Honestly, I think that having some time as a mommy of two kids before number three comes along might be a better plan for me. I am truthfully a bit overwhelmed with three tiny ones to care for. But I really do love being a mommy, and I am thankful for the children God has entrusted to us, even if it is for a very short time.
We are learning a lot about parenting. It seems when you have one child, you can let a lot of discipline issues go because they don't affect you as much as they do when more kids are in the picture. So we are beefing up our teaching on immediate obedience especially. But we have been blessed with wonderful kids who really respond well to training.
We are thinking for now, if we go back down to two kids that we are going to stay that way for a while. When our foster license comes up for renewal, we may go ahead and renew just for legal risk adoption. We aren't sure that we want to foster anymore - unless the children are far smaller than Austin. We have realized that it is very important to monitor the possible things that enter your home that can have a profound effect on your present children.
We think that maybe when our kids are grown, we will invest in spending our lives with foster children. We will have the experience and the time. Right now, we have neither. We are hoping for more children in the future, but it seems fine with me to only have two for the present - if things change. And we don't want to spend the money for a mini-van just yet ;)
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Baby Update
Thought for those of you who look for these that I would give an update on our newest little blessing. He is such a joyful child. Honestly, Austin was a wonderful baby, but he has a very outgoing sometimes loud personality. The new baby is a very calm, quiet child. He has transitioned so well. He only really cries when he is hungry and a bit if super tired. Other than that, he has totally done perfectly.
We have really been blessed with this child. We wouldn't ever change Austin's personality, but we admit that we are not sad that this child is quieter :) Opposites attract people always say. And we appear to have opposites. Maybe things will change in time once the baby is more comfortable with us. But he seems just fine with changing homes and families.
The life of having three children is an interesting one. We are feeling though that if God takes our daughter away for any number of reasons, that our stint in foster care might be over for the time being. There is amazing blessing to being able to raise your children from babies and instill your own values into their lives, to be able to discipline as you see fit, to have them grow up without horrible memories of past lives, ect. Please pray for us as some decisions have to be made in our near future on this front. Our relicensing process comes up again soon and we have to decide how we feel the Lord leading in this regard.
We have really been blessed with this child. We wouldn't ever change Austin's personality, but we admit that we are not sad that this child is quieter :) Opposites attract people always say. And we appear to have opposites. Maybe things will change in time once the baby is more comfortable with us. But he seems just fine with changing homes and families.
The life of having three children is an interesting one. We are feeling though that if God takes our daughter away for any number of reasons, that our stint in foster care might be over for the time being. There is amazing blessing to being able to raise your children from babies and instill your own values into their lives, to be able to discipline as you see fit, to have them grow up without horrible memories of past lives, ect. Please pray for us as some decisions have to be made in our near future on this front. Our relicensing process comes up again soon and we have to decide how we feel the Lord leading in this regard.
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