One year ago today, our lives took a permanent change for the better - Baby number two was "born" into our family. On May 27, 2011, he came into our lives first as our foster child, seven months later, as our forever child. He has changed our world so much. He is such a happy baby. His smile is infectious to all those around him. He is so quiet that most times when he is being ornery you aren't even aware that he is :) which can be interesting! His favorite words right now are "Hi, Hi!" He loves balls and jumping. He is the most loving child, loves to cuddle, and hug and kiss. He is very tenderhearted.
God gave me my "baby" in him. He still looks like baby at almost two. He is small for his age and hasn't quite made it into little boy mode yet. He isn't talking much, just babbling. He is finally getting most of his teeth, but just recently. It is a gift really to have a baby this long. It's ok that he is turning into a little boy, it's time for that, but I've appreciated the extra time with a baby.
He fit into our family so well, adapting to all the changes so well. He and his big brother get along quite well and sometimes just like brothers :). He is willing to go with the flow no matter what goes on and is happy while doing it.
This child definitely was born in my heart, maybe not my body. But I cannot imagine life without him in it as a part of our family. He is in my lap as I write "helping" me.
Both of our boys are truly special hand-picked blessings from God! We couldn't have ever picked better for ourselves. This baby has given us so many reasons to smile. It has been a year of watching him grow and truly knowing the joy only a child can bring.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Friday, May 18, 2012
Five to Four
Life changes. A lot from one month to the next it seems. We are back now to being a family of four. And it hurts a lot. It was our choice, in the most technical sense I suppose. We were told we couldn't keep our daughter. And based on recent circumstances with my husband beginning to have seizures and my baby having problems - and most importantly, for the sake of the child - and her attachment to us, if they were taking her regardless, we felt that now would be the best time for it to happen so that she would not be so attached to us that she could not easily transition.
No matter the reasoning, it hurts. And unless you are in this situation, it is impossible to understand. A piece of me is gone. And will be forever I guess. Having to explain to my 3 year old where his "sister" went and why she isn't coming back, looking at her room, her things that didn't go, it's like a death, but she is still living, without me being allowed any contact or knowledge. Many people told us this was the best decision, and in my head, I know they were probably right, my heart knows no such thing. Will it catch up, maybe? Right now, I can't see tomorrow let alone the future.
We got taken off of the foster care and adoption lists because of my husband's illness. Right now, that is so ok with me, I can't even begin to express it. Time with my boys is the only thing that is beginning to be a balm to my soul. Adding another is just not what I want to do right now. Foster care - not something I see for our future.
So many things I could say, so many stories I could tell. This was not an easy placement as far as the foster care side of life went, the social workers, the visitations, ect. We have gone through things I wouldn't wish on anyone. Yet, for this child and for the months we had with her, it was worth it.
Pain is pain, no matter whether anyone can understand the pain or not, whether they believe it to be real or not, whether this was a choice or not. It was a choice we were forced into by the system more than anything. Again, not part of what I want to share here. We have had so many people who have support us and loved us through this time, and to them I say thank you. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for understanding that these are our children while they are in our home - this is a death to us. We grieve, but have no funeral, have no ending, and have no closure. Thank you for allowing us the time to talk or cry and be quiet. Thank you for understanding if nothing else - even if you don't understand, just allowing us to be as we feel we need to be to make it through each day.
And to our little girl: You will always be our little girl. No matter where you end up, you have a place in our hearts. We will pray for you as we have prayed for you for years, that will never stop. We will pray for your safety, for love for you, for acceptance, for a family, for salvation most importantly, for your steps to carry you to prosperity in life. May this time not be a detriment to your soul. May you always remember that you are loved here and may you find love where you are placed and know that this was a choice made outside of our hands. May you have grace as you experience changes and for the small things, may you sleep well, eat well, get along with those you are with, feel peace, be happy. We love you baby.
To my husband, you are going through some rough water - and I love you. We will make it! God has gotten us this far. It's been a rough few weeks. Huge changes have occurred. But we are learning to weather these storms. Be strong. I love you.
To my boys, please know you are ours, you are loved. You don't have to be afraid of leaving. I know life has been crazy the past few weeks and especially this week. But things will even out. Mommy and Daddy love you more than life. And we will do our best to make you feel secure through this transition. You are loved, don't forget.
No matter the reasoning, it hurts. And unless you are in this situation, it is impossible to understand. A piece of me is gone. And will be forever I guess. Having to explain to my 3 year old where his "sister" went and why she isn't coming back, looking at her room, her things that didn't go, it's like a death, but she is still living, without me being allowed any contact or knowledge. Many people told us this was the best decision, and in my head, I know they were probably right, my heart knows no such thing. Will it catch up, maybe? Right now, I can't see tomorrow let alone the future.
We got taken off of the foster care and adoption lists because of my husband's illness. Right now, that is so ok with me, I can't even begin to express it. Time with my boys is the only thing that is beginning to be a balm to my soul. Adding another is just not what I want to do right now. Foster care - not something I see for our future.
So many things I could say, so many stories I could tell. This was not an easy placement as far as the foster care side of life went, the social workers, the visitations, ect. We have gone through things I wouldn't wish on anyone. Yet, for this child and for the months we had with her, it was worth it.
Pain is pain, no matter whether anyone can understand the pain or not, whether they believe it to be real or not, whether this was a choice or not. It was a choice we were forced into by the system more than anything. Again, not part of what I want to share here. We have had so many people who have support us and loved us through this time, and to them I say thank you. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for understanding that these are our children while they are in our home - this is a death to us. We grieve, but have no funeral, have no ending, and have no closure. Thank you for allowing us the time to talk or cry and be quiet. Thank you for understanding if nothing else - even if you don't understand, just allowing us to be as we feel we need to be to make it through each day.
And to our little girl: You will always be our little girl. No matter where you end up, you have a place in our hearts. We will pray for you as we have prayed for you for years, that will never stop. We will pray for your safety, for love for you, for acceptance, for a family, for salvation most importantly, for your steps to carry you to prosperity in life. May this time not be a detriment to your soul. May you always remember that you are loved here and may you find love where you are placed and know that this was a choice made outside of our hands. May you have grace as you experience changes and for the small things, may you sleep well, eat well, get along with those you are with, feel peace, be happy. We love you baby.
To my husband, you are going through some rough water - and I love you. We will make it! God has gotten us this far. It's been a rough few weeks. Huge changes have occurred. But we are learning to weather these storms. Be strong. I love you.
To my boys, please know you are ours, you are loved. You don't have to be afraid of leaving. I know life has been crazy the past few weeks and especially this week. But things will even out. Mommy and Daddy love you more than life. And we will do our best to make you feel secure through this transition. You are loved, don't forget.
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