Thank you Lord for a Healthy Baby!

I thought for a while that I was headed down the road of having a chronically ill child, but God answered our prayers and our baby is healthy!

We went to the cardiologist today. His heart echo showed a perfectly normal baby heart. And his labs came back 100% normal. Such a blessing to my mommy heart!

I'm so thankful for the wonderful doctor's and nurses that we had on our side encouraging us, answering our questions, and giving support along the way.

Baby is off his aspirin now, Hallelujah!!! And we will keep him on his prevacid for a couple more weeks just to make sure his tummy is healed up. Then he will be off all the meds from his illness. The aspirin is a blessing just because we couldn't give him any other meds like ibuprofin for teething - now we can - another mommy blessing!

This week has been full of good baby news. He is free for adoption and healthy to boot!

Different Colors

We were told in our initial classes before we adopted that adopting any child who had a race different than yours could create problems. However, God chose for us to go through with that plan anyway. And it does bring up some interesting discussions. I wanted to write this down just to remember it later on.

My sweet, almost 3 year old boy, looked at his daddy last night and told him, "Daddy, I'm sorry, but you are WHITE." Daniel asked him what color he was and he said "brown, and baby is even more brown." Insert smile from me here, because it is true.

Today, Austin told Daniel that he (Austin) was getting whiter to be like daddy. We told him that brown was beautiful and it made him special. And he shouldn't let anyone tell him that he was different or bad because his color was different than ours. The mind of a child.

I hope that Austin and our baby know that we love them so much, as if we had birthed them into our family. Color may mean and does mean something to some people, but it doesn't to us. They are our kids - no matter what. And they are special. They have been chosen by God for our family. And that makes them extra special.

I wrote this mainly for my memories. But I hope that it makes people consider adoption even of other races. It does present problems at times, especially in public, and even sometimes within family. But it is worth it. These precious children have blessed us more than we could ever bless them. But now, because of God bringing us together, we have the blessing and responsibility of teaching them about Jesus.

That in itself is a big responsibility. Today, Austin wanted to understand the Lamb of God. Wow, hard to explain. It is something I understand, but putting it on a little ones level really makes me think.

I'm so blessed to be mommy to two beautifully made, wonderfully created little boys. I am so thankful for them. And I am thankful for everyone who loves them unconditionally, adopted, racial differences or not. For all of those people, I am forever appreciative!!

Adoption HERE WE COME!!!

I haven't wanted to write these words before 5 pm today. But, since it is now 5:47 pm, here goes. Our precious baby boy if free and clear to be adopted. No one can take him from us!!!!

We still have a ways to go in the process. We will be getting an adoption case worker soon. Then that person will connect us with the lawyer in our county, who will then get us a court date for our actual adoption. So it could take a while still. But the point is, we have nothing left to worry about on this front.

I woke up this morning antsy for this hour to come, so that I would know that we were safe. We are assured of being our precious baby's parents forever. That is a GOOD feeling. I can't even begin to tell you how good.

I love our precious baby, but I will admit that there is a freeing feeling emotionally when you find out that you can have them forever. I think a piece of my heart wanted to protect itself. And while I love him more than I can imagine right now, I think knowing for sure we can adopt him is going to make my love grow even more if that is possible.

Thursday is the day we go back to the cardiologist to find out what is going on with his heart. I am hoping and praying we get off the aspirin regimen. And of course, that he doesn't have permanent damage.

Thanks for all the prayer warriors out there praying for us. I am praying our adoption happens this year 2011. We will see. Whether it does or not, we are safe. We have for sure, two beautiful boys forever.

And on a side note - apparently when potty training, teaching boys to stand up makes a world of difference in them wanting to try to learn... We will see how long it lasts LOL

Creating Memories

I knew that as an adoptive parent, we would run into questions that would be hard to answer. It hasn't happened much yet, until today. Austin was looking at his baby pictures (all 8 that we have.) And he asked Daniel why we weren't in the picture, and whose house was that? We faultered a bit honestly, not quite sure how to answer it. I took the baton and told him that God chose Austin especially for us, but he didn't come to us until he was a little bit older. But he was ours forever now and he didn't ever have to change houses again. He was safe. (He has been struggling with the concept that kids come and go after our foster experience. It has been quite traumatic for him. So I wanted him to know that he wouldn't ever have to move again).

It made me a bit teary. I wish so much that I had been in those pictures. I wish it was our house that he was seeing in those pictures. But we are blessed to have him. It has been almost two years now. Hard to believe how time flies. I am so thankful for him. And I know that I need to focus on that. I honestly can't help but feel some sadness though that we missed a whole year of his life and that we have to explain it to him. I wish he had a wonderful story to the beginning of his life. But he has a wonderful story now. Adoption is such a beautiful picture of what God has done for us. And I hope that we do a good job of portraying that to Austin as he continues to want to know about his first year of life.

I was also thinking today how things change with kids and how time really does fly. I rock my kids, not to sleep. But we use that time to sing and pray with them. They totally soothe themselves to sleep, but we see it as a really good bonding time. Austin isn't as interested in doing it anymore. But Sunday night he let me, and today at nap time, he let me rock him. I was holding him, thinking how truly blessed I am. I have two beautiful boys who I have been able to cuddle, one for two years, one for almost five months. And while I did miss their first months of life - I pray that we have made the next months and years of their lives a safe haven, memorable in a good way, so that they know love!

Cuddling my 14 month old baby boy while we rock is a wonderful time too. He is such a good cuddler. He snuggles up with his head of my shoulder. Someone mentioned to me that I need to cherish those moments because they don't happen too often after kids get older and I am already experiencing that with Austin. So I am cherishing the moments. I am soaking them up. I am thankful for my two boys. God has worked in marvelous ways in our lives - all of our lives.

I can sit and be sad that we missed the time in our boys life - and I am sad. I can't change that. I will always be sad. But we have a chance to lead them towards a life knowing Jesus. And we have the rest of their years to create photographs and memories for them to look at. And I am thankful for that!

Counting my Blessings

I'm struggling a bit with discouragement today. I am still not feeling at all well. I have a kidney infection that just will not clear and it is quite painful. So since I am feeling down - I have decided to count my blessings... Here goes.

1. I have one more day to go and then my husband is off for 3 days - yes 3! He is home on Monday! What a blessing to me. And he is a blessing to me always helping me with the boys, giving me chances to rest when I need it.

2. My baby has begun to eat a bit. It isn't normal amounts, but he is putting food in his mouth! That is a bigger blessing than I can possibly express in words!

3. I am learning new things about being a parent. I have figured out Austin's Love Language for now. I'm sure it grows and changes with him. But his is definitely "words of affirmation." I have been working on using his love language with him and the change happens before my eyes! It doesn't mean that we don't have time of misbehavior, of course we do, but he definitely responds better when I am encouraging positive behavior.

4. We have a home. You might think this is a strange thing to write. But we are blessed with that. There are many people in the world wondering if they will stay in their homes. And we are not in that position. We don't have much extra, but I am thankful for what we do have.

5. Friends. I am thankful for the people who take the time to write to me on facebook, or text message and encourage me through this time in our lives. They probably don't know how much that means to me. But in this rather lonely time, knowing you are being prayed for and loved makes a world of difference!

6. A job. There are times I complain about my job. But I am blessed by it. I am thankful to be home with my boys and be able to work as much or as little as I need to that day.

7. Ability to read and learn. I have been studying a Bible study book on Joshua. And I have been learning and challenged a lot through it. But I thought about the fact that some people can't read and some people don't even own a Bible and I am thankful for my liberties in these areas.

8. Good doctors! I am so thankful for the team of great doctors we have in place for our baby and I am thankful for one particular doctor that I have who knows me, even loves me, and will do anything to make my life a little easier in the health field. She is ALWAYS available by phone, calls and checks on me, calls me with results on Saturday if they are important. She has been a God-send and I am thankful.

You are probably wondering why this litany. Well, I have read lately that if we only had what we thanked God for yesterday, what would we have? I assume nothing for me a lot of days. And I want to make sure that I am thankful no matter what the circumstances.

14 month birthday and family updates

14 months old - Today marks the day that our baby turns 14 months old. Hard to believe. Time really does fly. And we got good news today regarding his permanency status in our family. He is a joy to have. He is walking well, not talking much, but a super happy baby! He laughs and giggles and is happy if he can make any one of us smile!

He is still struggling with his eating. I am overjoyed if I can get a few bites down him! But he is drinking Ensure shakes and keeping up his nutrition that way. He definitely is having reflux issues - you can tell he struggles with it almost every hour of every day. It makes my heart hurt for him! But he is a trooper. I'm anxiously waiting for his appointment with cardiology to see how his heart is and maybe then we can get off of this aspirin and allow his little tummy to heal.

I am so blessed with two amazing sons. This is Austin's last month of being 2. That too is hard to believe. This time in his life makes me feel quite nostalgic. We already knew about him this time two years ago, but we weren't allowed to visit him until later on in October. It's very hard to describe the feelings that you have knowing you have a child - who is a moving, living, trying to walk baby and you can't see them. Then later in October, we started every night visits to see him an hour away. And then finally three weeks later, 4 days after his 1st birthday, we got to bring him home for good. You can imagine how wonderful that time was for us. And how thankful I get this time of year.

Austin is a wonderful little boy - so inquisitive. Why is his favorite word right now. And while it does get annoying admittedly sometimes, it is so neat to see his little mind working putting facts all together. He is exerting independence lately as well, which I am assured comes with the territory of a 2 year old. But all in all, he is a loving, sweet, wonderful little boy who loves everyone around him.

God is working in wonderful ways in our lives right now. Throughout our baby's illness, I really feel that we have grown closer together as a family - you either do that or you grow apart during times when you can't be out around other people. But I dlo feel we have grown closer. We are leaning on each other for moral support - and we are learning in a real way that our God is in control. We can do nothing for our baby, but wait and pray and trust God to do what is best - no matter what that is. That still leaves a bit of fear in the pit of my stomach, I don't want to have a chronically ill child. I want him to be "normal." But maybe his normal will be different as will ours. But I really believe God won't give us more than we can handle and He is going to walk us through all of this. And I'm still praying that it is over quickly.

I have appreciated so much those who have reached out to us whether here in town or very long distance to offer prayers, and love, and support. We need it. I have been sick this whole time as well and still don't seem to be getting better. So I am tired as well. But knowing people love us all around the globe means a lot to me and gives me strength to keep my head up above the swirling water of illness that has touched us.

I think that having had chronic illness from the time I was young, I accept it as life - for me. However, when it hits your child, it is not normal life, it is unfair and absolutely not ok. I think that is how I am feeling of late. I was talking to another mom this week who's children have chronic illnesses and they will forever. (I still have hope our baby will come out of this illness sometime soon.) But we were discussing the misunderstanding that comes with having children who are sick - a lot. People who haven't experienced it frankly can't understand it. And that reality is a bit lonely.

We have been fighting our baby's illness for a month now and have at least a month to go before we find out if this is a life-long battle or if it is over. It's not an easy road. Yesterday, he didn't eat at all. He if fussy all of the time. And you can just tell that he feels pretty rotten. It is sad for his mommy, daddy, and brother. And it honestly is taxing physically, emotionally, spiritually - in every way.

There is a lot of fear involved. Fear that this disease will be our normal. Fear that he will get sick again and complicate his clinical picture. Fear that he won't eat enough to get well. Fear that I won't be able to care for him properly. Frustration at my frustration through this process. (I should totally understand having been through lots of years of illness myself, but it is still hard to not be even able to comfort your own child or get him to even take one bite of food.)

It's a lonely road. We have been home for a month - I have been to church once in about six weeks. We aren't even shopping much for groceries. Trying to do it as quickly as possible as little as possible. We are staying by ourselves in our little house - with our four walls closing in around us. And we do it on purpose to keep our baby healthy.

It has been mentioned to me that we seem to be sick all of the time. True. Unfortunately true. But at this point, this is God's road for us. We just need love and understanding and prayer and even phone calls. It's nice to know you are remembered and loved even if you haven't shown your face in the outside world for a while.

I think the biggest thing is understanding - not trite comments about how things will get better, God is in control, all of this is preventative and not a bit deal, ect. We need people to trust us that this is a difficult road, but we are doing the best we can. We know God is in control and we are glad. But if it isn't possible to say anything more than that trite comment, just don't, you know?

I'm sure this post seems harsh. But it is from the eyes of a woman who has been there herself - being sick, and now has a sick child. It isn't easy. And unfortunately, whether you are or not, you feel forgotten. And those who put down the illness as no big deal really make things worse on the emotional end.

Understanding goes a long way to showing God's love to a struggling family. More probably than anyone can know unless they have been there.

Baby Health Update

Sometimes things get more interesting as they progress. This disease of my baby's definitely falls into this category for me. The poor baby is teething, on top of feeling yucky from his tummy being messed up. I had read online that ibuprofin could interact with aspirin cause issues with platelets. I wasn't sure if that was true, but because his platelets have already been messed up, I was afraid to not find out the answer to that question.

The answer - ibuprofin can't be given at all right now and he can only have one dose of tylenol a day. So Orajel here we come! I am also going to find Hyland's Teething Tablets. They didn't work for Austin, but it's worth a try - different child and all.

His platelets are actually better right now in a normal range, his Sed rate is still increased (it's an inflammation marker in the body.) However, the doctor said that is normal for this point in the disease process. I am relieved that things seem to be evening out.

They will do more blood work when we go in at the end of this month and that will show us how he is really doing about six weeks out which will give us a clearer picture of what is going to happen long-term.

I have always been one to try to make things better if I can. Unfortunately, with this disease, I have to just let a lot of things be - even teething pain. It makes me sad, but we certainly can't have a platelet problem. Please pray for ease of his pain level - it seems quite high. Also pray that the medicine will work quickly to ease the pain in his stomach so that he will eat well again at all meals and be able to sleep as much as needed without pain. Pray that his heart heals properly and that all of his blood work will go back to normal.

I have realized this past month things that many parents have realized in the past, it is MUCH easier to be sick yourself than to have a child sick. This has been very, very difficult. I want to take everything on myself, and unfortunately I can't do that. But I know that God can heal our baby. And if He doesn't, He will get us through and give us grace to walk the road wherever it leads us in the future.

THANK YOU JESUS!!! - Good news on the adoption front

We got absolutely fabulous news in our quest to adopt our second child today. We thought we would have to wait until the 11th of this month to find out the ruling on our case. Instead, it was handed down today - in our favor!

We are so excited and thankful. But we still have about 30 more days of hurdles to make it through, and possibly more depending on how the next 30 days go. So please keep praying for us that everything will go smoothly and quickly from here on out.

I'm being purposefully vague so as not to give away info that I shouldn't until he is adopted. I think most people who read this will know what I am referring to in this post. But trust me, it is hugely good news - in fact, it is news we have been waiting for four plus months to hear. So we are quite ecstatic.

We should be changing to an adoption case worker soon. We are so sad to lose our foster case worker. She has been so wonderful to us. I just can't imagine not having her in our lives. But we have all promised to stay in touch. So I hope that it will be true. And I'm praying our adoption case worker will be just as wonderful.

God is good to get us this far and we have no doubt that He will continue to help us through the process. We are seriously praying that this process is over quickly though and we can be in court for OUR adoption day (as we have met the 3 month requirement already for having a child in the home before adoption).

Thoughts on life for this week :)

It is a beautiful day here in Sunny Florida! And it's cool, I broke out my sweatpants - yes because it is in the 60's.... We have our windows open in the house and slept with them open - a big blessing definitely for our electricity bill :).

I am home this morning with our precious baby boy. It's a bit sad to not all be able to go to church as a family, but we have a few more weeks of that. And I know that it is a small sacrifice to keep a healthy baby. He is doing better other than still having tummy troubles from all the aspirin. We got a new medicine late last week, so we are hoping that helps him out soon.

Austin is doing well. His birthday is coming up next month. Crazy to think about. His birthday always brings a bit of nostalgia to my life - not because I remember the day he was born, but we brought him home for good exactly four days after his first birthday. So we celebrate two things the week of his birthday! He is so excited about his birthday this year. He really understands the concept and just can't wait for it to get here.

Hopefully good things will come for our second adoption process this month as well. I'm hopeful. I'm glad that we have a God who is in control. If not, all of these health issues, court issues, all the other issues life brings would be totally overwhelming. But there is good everywhere you look. We have two beautiful boys, we have gotten though some very difficult health issues and have good doctors to continue to help us with the journey, the weather is beautiful right now - and if you live in Florida you understand why this is a blessing... Blessings are abounding. And it is so much easier to focus on the bad then the good sometimes, but you surely do feel better focusing on the blessings and thanking God for all He has given!