I haven't blogged in so long, I just haven't had any idea what to say. It has been a bit of a dark time in my life. Yet, isn't it in the dark times when we need to find the light - even if it is just a pinprick? One of my dear friends, and a person I would consider a mentor encouraged me this week, in the rough times, to remember to look at the joys. So this post is about the joys. Maybe soon I will write about the darker time, it isn't bad to remember it, but today, it is remembering that in the moments where you feel God is silent - He speaks - sometimes through the small voice of your child singing.
The joy this week has been listening to my oldest son spontaneously burst into son singing "My God is So Great" and "I Am So Glad That Our Father in Heaven Tells of His Love in the Book He has Given," and so many other songs, and taking the time to realize that there is so much truth packed into what we might consider a children's song. And while he is singing it, the truth is seeping into his heart. And each song he learns and each verse he memorizes is moving him one step closer to knowing Jesus and going to Heaven. What greater joy is there than that?
Joy is seeing him tell other children that his Daddy's word is law "with both man and frog." Thank you Patch the Pirate. But again, seeing those little truths pop up in his conversations to other kids. Hearing him be a "big bother" to his siblings and watch him learn to love and guide in a way that I'm sure I did as a kid, whether it was appreciated by my little brother or not.
Watching my baby as he grows. Hearing each new word. Seeing his happy face, no matter how sickly he is - he still smiles. Sometimes we can learn joy from our kids. Seeing him learn to jump and try to jump every step he takes across a parking lot and wish that sometimes as adults we had the freedom to jump all the time just because we were so full of life and joy.
Seeing small victories in the life of our little girl. Having days of happiness without tears. Having good interactions between her and our boys. Seeing her utter joy at a birthday cupcake and small presents.
These are the things that life should be about. Yes, times are hard. Days are hard. Sometimes, our kids don't obey, and the whole day feels off - and we hear that voice singing "Angels we have heard on high." And we realize that we are making a difference, even a small one in our kids lives. We are giving them a chance to know Jesus, just as we were given the chance.
And, maybe the biggest lesson I have learned recently is, on the really rough days, where it seems like nothing is going right, my kids are disobeying, they have to be told over and over again, this is how I am to God. I don't obey. I don't listen. I have to be told multiple times. And yet, God in His steadfast love tells me as many times as I need to be told. He never gets angry. He restores the song to my heart and restores me to fellowship. These things are why we go through the bad days - to focus on all the good things - to have a song in our hearts, on our lips, and overflowing from our children.
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