Number Three Blessing Complete

Change is sometimes something that you don't look forward to, it is something that at times, brings hurt. But then there is the pain that comes in the night and the joy that it brings in the morning. I haven't written on my blog for a year right now. When we lost our last baby, the pain was so deep for all of us - mostly our oldest son. He is still asking questions about where is sister went, is she ok, will she ever come back. He has bad dreams that someone will take our other children and leave him. This upheaval has been very difficult for him.

And if I'm truly honest, it has been difficult for me. I tend to bury the hurt. I pretend that nothing happened and move on. When we got the call on September 20 that we were matched with another girl, I was scared. Very scared. I was afraid it might turn out like the last one. I was afraid for Austin. I just didn't feel like his precious heart could take any more pain. And the crazy thing was, we weren't looking for kids to adopt again. We were kind of status quo at that moment and content where we were.

After much deliberation, we decided to meet this baby girl. She was 19 months old. We went to a Chick-fil-A play place, which made my boys totally happy. When we met her she was a bit reserved, but came out of her shell more than anyone expected her to. She was beautiful. It is truly one of those you just "know" moments. I still felt like we needed to wait. We took her home every day with us and then back to her foster parents for a week allowing her to get acclimated to us. Then a week later, we and the foster parents felt she would be fine to move and so September 20, she moved home.

She really does fit. She is strong enough to handle having two brothers, but girly enough to want to paint toenails and wear pretty dresses and shoes. She is cuddly. She has dimples that are really beautiful when she smiles. She has a "typical" girly attitude - gets a little up in arms and holds grudges a little longer than the boys do. But she really has joined our family with no bumps along the way.

Yesterday, we were able to go to court before the judge and adopt her officially forever. We saw another family go in, and the child being adopted was about 4. His mommy said "Now you are going to be a (insert last name). And he said "Forever and ALWAYS" She of course, said yes, and in his tiny baby voice, he said Mommy will you hold my hand? It was such a beautiful picture of what adoption really is.

My oldest son, has been through so much losing his sister almost a year ago, what I alluded to earlier in this blog, but yesterday when we went to court, he was so excited. I am praying that this shows him that we can save some kids. That now, he has siblings forever, that we ARE a family. And that means something beautiful.

He told his sister what her full name is, and then said you have a Mommy and Daddy who gave you a new name and a new family. All the bad stuff is gone and the bad people are gone. And Mommy and Daddy are great parents. I love them so much and you will too.

We've been blessed so much. God truly has been good to us. Sometimes in the midst of trials you wonder where God is. He is in the light of my children's eyes when they hear that judge say their name or the name of their sibling and realize that they are safe. You realize that God has these kids in your home for a reason. I often feel completely under equipped to do the job God has called me to do with these precious lives. But He placed them in our home for a reason and I'm thankful for the opportunity to love them and I hope to teach them kindness, to teach them to show Jesus to others. I pray they all understand the true way of salvation and then go on to strong leaders in their churches. But most of all, I just want them to love Jesus with all of their hearts and have it show from every part of their lives. I want them to take the gifts they have and I want them to bless others.

This has been an interesting adoption for me. I got my baby girl which I had hoped to some day. And I truly feel like this is our last child. I feel like we are done. This makes me sad. Maybe God has more for us down the road I don't know. But right now, these kids need my time and energy and I want to enjoy them. So for now, I feel that I done. I never got that newborn that I was hoping for, but my arms are full. And God is good and He is gracious. And my children are gifts that I could never have imagined looking back even ten years. I look forward to watching their next ten years praying all the while that I am the mom that God use to lead them in the way everlasting